Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Out of all the men that I have coached into being better husbands, there are a couple things that pop up consistently. Nine times out of ten, these small adjustments have the power to transform your marriage and the connection that you have with your wife, that true, deep connection that you have been seeking. A lot of guys overcomplicate it and hey, I get it. Marriage can be complex, but it might just be simpler than you think if it's your first time here. My name is Michael Riggs. I'm a full time author, entrepreneur, men's personal development and marriage mentor, husband and father of six. And I teach men all over the world how to live fully optimized, leveled up lives. So if that's something you're into, definitely stick around. Subscribe to this podcast, subscribe to this channel, wherever you're getting this. And today I'm going to teach you a couple of small adjustments that you can begin implementing today that will level up your marriage like never before. Stick around. Hello and welcome to the Warrior Kings podcast. I'm your host, Michael Riggs, here to assist you on your journey to living a fully optimized, leveled up life as a man. So again, welcome and welcome back to the Warrior Kings podcast. It's great to be here today. It's great to talk to you today. Life has been a little bit hectic right now. We are about to have our baby, our new baby girl and that could happen at any minute. So a lot going on, not just with that, but you know, all aspects of life. Everything's really hectic right now. But I am here for you. I'm here to talk to you today and again, it is super awesome to do so. I hope that you're good wherever you're finding this. I hope that you are on your way to living a fully optimized, leveled up life as a man. Again, if this is your first time here, this is what we do every week. Talk about man stuff. Talking about being a good husband, being a successful man and how to do that. You know, all sorts of topics that we talk about here on the podcast. Sometimes I have guests, sometimes it's just me. Well, most of the time it's just me. But every week, content on how to be your best self and live your best life, be a good father, husband, leader and overall live a super awesome life that is moving towards the life of your dreams. So with all that being said, let's dive right into the topic of the day. It is a woman's desire to feel heard and understood and a man's ability to listen and have empathy is a superpower in marriage. Let me ask you something, man. When was the last time that you truly listened to your wife? I'm sure there's been a time recently or even multiple times that you found yourself confused about the content of whatever she was upset about or even just going on about. And maybe you even tried to fix the situation with logic or even fix her. Maybe you thought to yourself while she was speaking, why is this so important? Or why is she so upset about this? Or maybe you made the mistake that most men make, which is you completely tuned her out. Maybe she wasn't upset. Maybe she was just going on and on about something that you found to be entirely irrelevant. And so you did what many men unintentionally trained themselves to do, and you tuned her out and thought about something that you found to be more practical in your mind, you know, to get through the yapping. There are two critical mistakes that most men make in marriage. Either one, trying to fix with logic, or two, retreating or tuning out. Let's break these down a little bit. Men are fixers. It's what we do. When something is broken or we perceive it to be broken, we fix it. And when it comes to women and their complex emotions, we often make the mistake of trying to fix the issue, fix her problem, or even fix her. And we usually attempt to do this with logic. But here's the thing, man. She doesn't want you to fix her issue, and she doesn't want to be fixed. She wants to be heard, heard and understood. It doesn't matter if what she is saying makes any logical sense to you. And sometimes it might even seem trivial or stupid. But the truth is, that's how she really feels and that's what she's really experiencing. And that is valid to her. And she doesn't want you to convince her that she's wrong. And she doesn't necessarily want you to fix her, unless she directly asks, what should I do? Or I need your help with this, in which case it's your duty to lead. More often than not, she just wants you to listen to her and understand how she she feels. One of the main issues that women face in marriage is that they feel disregarded or as if their husband never listens to them. And this might actually be the number one issue that women face in marriage. And the other mistake, retreating or tuning out, comes down to. As men, we naturally train ourselves to gather the information that we find practically useful and then discard everything else. But in marriage, this is A critical misstep. So your wife might be going on and on about something that your brain identifies as not practically useful. And so you tune her out and put your attention, your thoughts on something that you find to be more important. But like I said, man, women want to feel heard and they want to feel understood. It doesn't matter if she's going on and on about what Jessica is going to wear to the baby shower or expressing her frustration about the mundane tasks of the day. If you're not listening and truly listening, she doesn't feel seen, heard and understood. And this will chip away at her over time and slowly erode your connection. Now, if your wife is cold and distant and disinterested, and if the communication in your marriage has broken down, it comes down to one simple question. Were you truly listening to your wife? Is it possible that she came to the conclusion one day, why even bother talking at all? She might even feel like you don't care about her, her internal world, what she's going through, what she does and what she says, etc. Now, if you love her, do you want her to feel like that? Like she doesn't even matter? Women do a lot of yapping. Trust me, I know. And I've made all of these mistakes before. That's how I know. Listening, tun, tuning in, being present. These are skills that must be cultivated. They don't come easy or naturally. That's why I so often have to teach them. I'm sure you remember when you were a kid and you were taught how to be a husband and what strong husbands look like. And you remember your parents giving you the how to be a good husband handbook on your 16th birthday. I bet you remember in high school taking how to be a good husband class and in college taking Understanding Women one. No. Me neither. See, nobody teaches us these things. Doesn't that sound a little crazy in retrospect? Which brings me to my quick ad break. Nobody gives us a manual when we're growing up that teaches us how to be good fathers, husbands and leaders of our homes. But the good news is, it's not too late. And I wrote one. In January of this year. I put out a book called Warrior Husband how to be a better husband and save your marriage. I put everything that I know about marriage, relationships, how to be a strong husband and king of your kingdom into this one book. And I want it in your hands. This book covers everything from conflict resolution, the truth about communication with your wife, mastering emotional strength, becoming the leader she craves, balancing ambition and commitment and more so if you're here today, if you found this episode today because you're trying to be a better husband or even save your marriage, I wrote this book for you. It's already impacted thousands of men's lives all over the world, and it has been incredible to see that happen and to be helping men in their marriages and their lives. And here's the deal, man. If you can't get a copy of this book right now, if times are tough and you're barely getting by, shoot me an email, the contact form on my link tree or email mrigscontactmail.com and I will send you an ebook copy of Warrior Husband totally for free. There's no catch at all. I just want this book in your hands. That's how much I believe that it will level up your marriage. But hey, for those of you who go and buy it, I love the support. Thank you so much. But yeah, I. I believe that this book will help you in your marriage so much that I'm willing to give ebook copies for free. So definitely shoot me an email if that's you. And there's a link to Warrior Husband in the link tree, in the description of this podcast episode or this video and book is available in ebook, paperback or audiobook with digital voice. And if you're on the video version of this, this is what the book looks like right over here next to me on the bookshelf. And now that I'm done with my spiel, let's dive right back into the episode. I want to talk about empathy for a minute. This month, me and a few guys have been going through a one on one coaching marriage intensive. And a common theme that kept coming up is that a lot of wives say that their husband has no empathy or that they want their husband to have more empathy. And I found that lots of men can't really pin down what that means. Well, what that means is exactly what I've been talking about. A woman's desire to feel seen, heard and understood. There's this little jingle from that old cartoon, Adventure Time that goes, empathy, empathy. Put yourself in the place of me. Hey, if you ever watched Adventure Time, leave a comment about that because I loved that show back in the day. But that's what empathy is. Your ability to understand what someone else is going through, even if it doesn't apply to you, even if you aren't going through it yourself, and your ability to feel how they would feel or to put yourself in their shoes as if you were them. So how does Empathy apply to marriage in this context? Well, let's say your wife says something that you deem is ridiculous or even irrational. Empathy is saying and feeling. I understand why you feel that way and I want you to know that I'm here for you instead of, oh, well, that's stupid. Here's some logic that will disregard everything that you're saying and how you're feeling right now. Know what I'm saying. I implore you, whenever your wife is speaking, whatever she is speaking about, shut up and listen. And I'm not telling you to never speak or to never give input. What I am telling you to do is listen more than you speak. Listen. Allow her to feel understood. Allow her to feel that you care. Look her in the eyes, react to what she's saying. Let her see that you see her and that you hear her. Put the phone down, turn off the tv, then respond. And respond with love, light and compassion. Like I said, she doesn't want to be fixed, she wants to be heard. You'd be surprised how many guys reach out to me an email and tell me that they implemented simply listening to their wives and it changed everything about their marriage dynamic. And training yourself to listen will level up every other aspect of your life as well. Your friendships, your relationships, your business, everything. Being grounded, present and understanding is also deeply masculine. You being grounded, present and rational allows your wife to feel safe. It's part of the protector trait. She wants to feel safe and she feels safe by you being present and grounded and understanding and wise. What do women mean when they say I want to feel emotionally safe? It means that they want to feel safe in having emotions, feeling the way they feel, and being understood in the way that they feel rather than being barked at, logic to death, belittled, disregarded or straight up ignored. That is not safety and that is not strong leadership as a strong husband and the king of your kingdom. So that's what I got for you guys today. I hope that you got something out of this episode. I hope this episode inspired you in some way, gave you some insight into how to level up every aspect of your marriage. And hey, again, if you're new here, scroll through some of my episodes. Dude, I have tons of episodes on the topic of how to level up your marriage and have a happy, thriving marriage. The marriage of your dreams. So definitely check out those other episodes. Like I said before in my spiel, there's a link tree in the description of this episode where you can find out more about what I do. All my links are on there. Links to my books, my social medias, all that kind of stuff. You can subscribe to the YouTube channel from there sign up for the email list. Get involved. There's a contact form on there if you're looking for one. On marriage coaching and to keep it straightforward I put the prices on there so you can just take a look and be like that's something I want to do or not just know that I'm here for you guys anytime you reach out I always email back and again it was great to talk to you guys today. I love you, I'm proud of you and there are great things in store for you in this life. A life of overflowing abundance awaits you. On the other side of you deciding to make the switch, make the change and level up every aspect of your life. A life of overflowing abundance awaits you. Have a great week and I'll catch you on the next one. Thanks guys. Bye.
