Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Now some of you might say, I just don't have time. We just don't have time. Life's too busy. Well, remember back when you were dating her, you would have found time for that no matter what that meant. You know what I'm saying? Hello and welcome to the Warrior King podcast. My name is Michael Riggs. I'm a full time author, artist and entrepreneur here to assist you on your journey to unlocking masculinity, manliness and the warrior spirit within an overall leveling up your life. So again, welcome. I am back from being sick. It's good to be back. It's good to have you here today for this talk. If it's your first time here, I say all the things that most men don't want to hear. So with that being said, you can either take my advice or not. And hey, that's up to you. Today we're going to be talking about how to be a better husband. And I'm super excited to talk about this today because it's something that I'm very passionate about. What are my credentials in talking about such a thing? Well, I was in a 10 year relationship with a lady and did basically all of the wrong things. I destroyed that relationship. She moved out with our two daughters and my life fell apart. And at that point I decided to level up my life as a man and to figure out what that meant. And married to the woman of my dreams. We have three awesome sons together and our marriage is thriving and happy. And I want that for you. So that's what we're going to be talking about today is how to be a better husband. The reason that I want to talk about this is because it's something that we're not taught. Nobody taught me at least how to be a good husband or even what being a man meant. So that's what we're going to get into. And this is going to be a series because there's a lot to say on this topic. So consider this a part one. And it's my intention with this series to take your marriage from being a functional partnership into a thriving romance that neither of you can get enough of. Now, these days, a lot of people get married for all the wrong reasons. People don't get married for love anymore. Most people get married because they think it's what they're supposed to do at a certain age or at a certain juncture in their life. It's part of what I call the checklist of life. Those things that you check off on that checklist are like, get the house, get the career. And on this checklist of life, one of those things is getting married. And it is my belief that marriage should absolutely be about love. And being married to your one true love, having a thriving, happy life, right? So if you're in one of those functional partnerships and you got married for all the wrong reasons, unfortunately, in some cases, you got married and you're like, whoa, what did I do? And in some cases, it's terrible. And I just want you to know today that there is hope and we can totally transform your marriage, dude. And I'm going to tell you all about how such a thing is accomplished. It's time to level up, dude. You're going to love being married after this. I don't know. I can't promise that, but we're going to get into it, man. Here we go. There's this limiting belief that I've realized and I've seen a lot, and it's that marriage is supposed to be hard. They say, marriage, marriage, you're going to have to work on it. It's going to be hard. You're going to be miserable. Be prepared for that. It's going to be a lot of work. And I feel like that gives some preconceived notions of problems that otherwise wouldn't exist if you didn't have those preconceived notions, like, marriage is going to be horrible. I better prepare for that, right? Marriage is a lot of work, that whole thing. And I might get some pushback for this one. But marriage doesn't have to be difficult. It doesn't have to be something that you're constantly striving to make work. It doesn't have to be unhappy all the time. It doesn't have to be a struggle. Because, honest, truthfully, I want you to know that marriage can be beautiful. It can be fun. It could be the best thing you've ever done, dude. Now, I do want to say here really quick that in this episode and in this series on how to be a better husband, there are some adult topics. They're kind of unavoidable when it comes to discussing marriage and how to make it work and all that. So if that's something that offends you, definitely just leave this video. But I'm going to be real because I want to help men level up their marriages with women. And the first thing that I want to talk about today when it comes to this is the importance of listening. If you've read my book, Warrior King, you know, important, I think listening Is as men, we sort of train ourselves over time not to listen. Especially when the thing that we're listening to is about the mundane tasks of life and kind of boring stories and stuff like that, from a lack of a better way to say it. And it's our nature as men to decide what information is practically useful and what isn't. And that's why this happens. But when it comes to not listening in your marriage, that is a huge misstep and can cause all sorts of problems. Dude, you might have even heard before. If you've been married for a while, you never listen to me. If you want to level up your marriage, you need to start listening and listening intently. Train yourself to listen when your wife is speaking. Anytime she's speaking, no matter what she's speaking about, train yourself to listen. Retrain yourself to listen. You know, when she's talking, look into her eyes. Give her an indication that you are listening to her. React to what she's saying with your expressions. Now, if you haven't been listening for a while, she might wonder what's gotten into you and why you're suddenly being so attentive. But trust me, she's going to appreciate it now. When I started dating, my now wife had been in a long relationship too, that was less than desirable. And I remember she pointed out one time she said, wow, you actually listen to me. I'm not used to that. And it's interesting that she pointed that out because I was making such a point to listen to her and listen intently and look into her eyes when she was speaking and react to what she was saying and actually respond and not say, wait, what? What did you say? And that's because the mistake that I made in my previous relationships that were nightmare relationships, I never listened to anything that they were saying. It's like on Dumb and Dumber when Harry is going on about his ex girlfriend or something, he' like, I don't know, something about not listening to her enough or something. I don't know, I wasn't paying attention. Don't be hairy from dumb and dumber. Women want to be heard. They want to know that you're listening to them. And when you start to listen and listen intently, your marriage and your relationship will just level up and grow. And there are all sorts of benefits to this, trust me. And pro tip here, just keep a running note in your phone of things that she mentions that she would like to have. One time I bought my wife a curling iron. I don't know nothing about curling irons, but I knew that she said that she wanted one, and I know that women oftentimes won't buy these things for themselves. And a holiday came along, and I consulted my sister, who is a hair professional on curling irons, and I bought her one as a gift. The benefit to this is I was actually listening to her because when she had said it was so far back, and I remembered that she wanted it, and I took note of the fact that she still didn't have one and she hadn't bought one. So not only is it a super awesome gift because it's something that she wanted, but also it's a super awesome gift because I actually cared. I took the time to listen to her and the things that she actually wanted, and I went out of my way to go and get that thing for her. You understand what I'm saying? So that's just a little tip there for you. But I definitely want you to realize how much you haven't been listening to your wife when she's speaking and how much you should start listening to your wife when she's speaking. Listen to everything that she says. Be fully present. And even if you're not, if you can't be, you got way too much on your mind. You need to at least be acting like you're listening. Look her in the eyes, react to what she's saying, respond to her, don't make her feel like you're not listening to her. But definitely, definitely start to listen to your wife. And back to that thing about the gifts. When she receives that gift from you that you took note of weeks or months before, she will say, wow, he really listens to me. And that is super special to a woman, trust me. And the next thing that I want to talk about is keeping intimacy alive. And I know this one's a little bit awkward to talk about, but that's okay. I'm assuming here that we are all grown men having this conversation by this point, because everybody else would have been bored. Now, keeping intimacy alive. And I know, unfortunately for some of you right now that seems like a impossible task, right? For some of you, you might even feel like she wouldn't even be interested in that anymore. It's just a reality. But I want you to know, have a thriving marriage. Intimacy is critically important. I can't stress it enough. Now, I'm not going to get graphic here and tell you what you should do or talk about physical things or anything like that. I'm going to keep it pretty much on the surface. But you have to be intimate with your wife if you want to have a happy marriage. Now, some of you might say, I just don't have time. We just don't have time. Life's too busy. Well, remember back when you were dating her, you would have found time for that, no matter what that meant. You know what I'm saying? And let's say that you're in a marriage where you haven't been intimate for a while, which happens sometimes. It might take her off guard at first if you start to try to do this again. So you need to slowly work your way back into it and start to have fun again. And you don't have to make it a whole thing either. You don't gotta light some candles or go buy some item to spice things up. Just do the thing and be present and intentional about it. The thing about feminine women is that they want to feel beautiful. They want to feel desirable. And I'm sure you don't want anyone or anything else making her feel that way but you. So you better get to work on that yourself. The sad truth is some married couples end up in such a bad place that they end up becoming completely turned off by each other or even, on some level, repulsed. Now, I get a lot of comments from a lot of people that hate on me because they can only see one side, one set of lenses that they have for life. And they're like, you're wrong about this other thing. And I'm just like, that's because you've never experienced it before. But the truth is, some couples end up in a situation where they're just turned off by each other. They're not excited anymore. It's. It's just the truth. So addressing that, I just want the people who are in that situation are headed there to know that I believe it is my belief that that is is fixable. And so I have an exercise for you. This is what I want you to do. I want you to get a piece of paper, and then I want you to make two columns. Just draw a line straight down the middle of that piece of paper. In the first column, write down everything that you don't like about your wife. Now, this is dangerous. I want you to be very intentional about destroying this piece of paper when you get done with this exercise, because I don't want to cause any problems with you. And I'm not talking about crumpling it up and just tossing it in the trash can. I'm talking about shred that thing and put it under, like 10 layers of paper towels in the Trash can. You don't want your wife finding this piece of paper. So in the first column, everything that you don't like about her, and that might sound crazy. Now in the second column, I want you to write down everything that you love about her. Write down everything that you love about your wife. The way she giggles at dumb jokes, her eyes, her lovable quirks. Everything that you love about her. You know, write down that certain part of her body. And I want you to be really intentional about this. I want you to remind yourself why you fell in love with her and why you still love her. Why you're here watching this, wondering how you can fix your situation with her. And you guys who are in a terrible marriage, I want you do this, too. Do this exercise, too. Just like I said, destroy that piece of paper after this. Now, I want you to see that the things that you love about her in that second column far outweigh the things that you don't like about her and are way more important, way more beautiful than the things that you don't like about her, which now, at this point, should seem very ridiculous. Now, I want you to go and destroy that piece of paper and get a fresh one. Get a fresh piece of paper. A crisp, fresh piece of paper. Now, I want you to write her a letter on that fresh piece of paper reminding her of all the things that you love about her. Now that you've reminded yourself, I want you to say all of those things to her and make sure you give her the right piece of paper. Some of you might say, I've never written my wife a love letter before in our entire marriage. That's going to feel dumb. It's going to feel silly. She's going to think I'm crazy. No, she's not, dude. She is going to love it, and it is going to feel dumb and silly if you've never done that before. But, hey, suck it up and go do the thing. Write her a letter telling her all the things that you love about her and how much you love her and give it to her as a gift and be really intentional about it, too. Write it naturally. Don't write on there. Like, I did this exercise and I just wanted to remind you of all the things that I love about you because that's what I was supposed to do. No, this was your choice to write her this letter. And you're writing it in a natural way. And it's a gift for her to remind her how much you love her and all the things that you love about Her. We stayed with a married couple a while ago while we were between homes. And every evening they would come home from work and sit on opposite sides of the living room staring at their phones. And I hardly ever saw them say one word to each other. They never talked to each other, they never hung out, anything like that. They were just living two separate lives in the same room. And I was just thinking all of this time they could be spending spending together, having fun, joking around, laughing, getting to know each other, hanging out, playing a game, watching a show together, just anything together, right? And so I want you to know that if you want a happy thriving marriage, you need to start hanging out again. Put your phone away and just sit with your wife and talk to her. Talk to her like when you were dating, be funny like you did when you were dating her. And most importantly, like we talked about first listen to her when she speaks, have conversations, hang out, be her friend. I've heard that most couples struggle to make a point to just ask how their partners day went. Like that's an actual exercise that marriage counselors have couples do is ask them how their day went. Also the expert advice says that married couples should spend at least two hours a week together, which I think is totally crazy. You want more than that for your marriage? Trust me. Me and my wife hang out every day, it takes a while. We have a lot of children because of all that intimacy that I talked about before. It's usually in the late evening, but we get there and we hang out every day for a couple to a few hours and we're talking, we're having fun, we're having conversations, we're talking about crazy conspiracy theor or UFOs or joking around and laughing, watching funny movies, playing games. And I'm not here to brag or boast, I'm just letting you know that I'm in a happy thriving marriage. And hanging out all the time is one of the ways to make that possible. Like what is committing to spend your entire life with a person for if you're not even going to talk to them or hang out with them or even be their friend. So that's just what I wanted to say is start hanging out again. Make a point to hang out at least a little bit every day. And I know that everybody has different lifestyles and different dynamics and that's sort of stuff. I know that people are very busy in some dynamics. Both people are grinding non stop 24 hours a day pursuing their dreams. But you have to set aside time no matter what your Situation looks like to hang out with your wife. Absolutely. If you want to have a happy marriage, if you want to level up your marriage, if you want to level up your intimacy with your wife, if you want to be in love with her and have a thriving romance with her, you have to hang out with her. That's just what it comes down to. You got to start hanging out again. Now, the next thing that I want to talk about, very closely related, is, does every day feel like a repeat of the last? Well, then I want you to start being more spontaneous. Look up parks and trails and stuff like that that's nearby and free Saturday morning or whatever day works for you. Say we're going here. Get ready. Say it's a beautiful spot near where you live or somewhere to walk. Find a hipster food place or food truck and go try some interesting food. Do this spontaneously. Just be like, we're doing this. Let's go. Women love that, Trust me. And it's way better than living a mundane, boring life. Do something spontaneous. Go out and have fun. Build her a life of adventure. She will love that. She will love not knowing what expect next, what adventure you're going on next, what fun are we going to have next time? You know what I mean? And she'll love having fun again. The last place you want to be if you want to have a happy, thriving marriage is every day is the same. You go to work, you come home, you go to work, you come home, you go to work, you come home on the weekend, you go to church. Reset. Do it all over again. You want to have some adventure, some spontaneity. And that can even go into the intimacy part of it as well. Have random, spontaneous bouts of intimacy. And the next thing I want to address here is, do you normally have lots of conflict with each other? And what I want to say about that is just stop, stop, stop having conflict with each other. It's not that simple. Yes, it is. Stop. Choose to love her and nurture her instead. Criticizing her all the time will only lead to her resenting you. To have a happy, thriving marriage with your wife, you're going to have to shed layers of resentment and replace them with a new positive. The 2.0 leveled up version of your marriage. And I want you to make this your mantra. When disagreements present themselves, write this down, Put it in a note in your phone, or just remember it in your smart brain. I love her, I respect her, I want what' for her. Every time that a disagreement happens, something annoys you, something pisses you Off. She gets annoyed by you. She tries to cause a conflict. You feel that spark within you that says, I want to have. I want to have a fight right now. Say, I love her. I respect her. I want what's best for her. Repeat that in your mind and then respond accordingly. Remind yourself of that. I love her. I respect her. I want what's best for her. Because you do love her. You, too, respect her. You do want what's best for her. Now, I'm not trying to be too unrealistic here. Conflicts will present themselves. Disagreements happen. It's a part of relationships. It's a part of marriage. That doesn't mean that your life is falling apart. Those things are going to happen. But I want you to know that as much as you possibly can, remember that the subject matter of the disagreement, that thing that's pissing you off, realize how dumb it is before it escalates. Remind yourself, I love her. I respect her. I want what's best for her. Move on, because that thing will not matter tomorrow and it never does. Sometimes you have these big blowout fights and try to drag each other into the ground. And then the next day it's like, I'm sorry. I'm sorry we argued. That thing doesn't even matter now. You understand what I'm saying? So just let it not matter before it even happened. And we're going to be talking more about conflict and resentment in part two of this series. So make sure that you subscribe so you don't miss that next part of this. I have lots of valuable information that I want to give you to level up your life and level up your marriage and to level up your relationship and your friendship with your wife. I'm going to link another one of my episodes in the description of this podcast episode that sheds some more light on communicating with women, communicating with your wife, why women respond in the ways that they respond, and things like that. The episode is five Things Every man Needs to know about a Woman. Definitely check that one out. To continue, continue on this learning journey until part two of this does come out. Thank you guys so much again for watching and listening, and I'll catch you on the next one. Thanks, guys. Bye.
