Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Hello and welcome to the Warrior Kings podcast. I'm your host, Michael Riggs, here to assist you on your journey to unlocking masculinity, manliness, and the warrior spirit within and overall leveling up your life. So, again, welcome. Welcome to the Warrior Kings podcast. If you're new here, my name is Michael Riggs. I'm a full time author, artist, and entrepreneur, husband and father of five, and I say all of the things that most men don't want to hear. So if that's not something you're into, definitely don't subscribe to this podcast. But hey, if it is, if you want to level up every aspect of your life as a man, that's what we do here on the Warrior podcast. I have many years of experience in leveling up my own life, and now I impart wisdom on other men all over the world. So it's good to have you here today. It's good to talk to you today, to my regular listeners, I have good news. We have a patreon on the way somewhere that I can post behind the scenes content, extra content, lifestyle content from my own life, as well as bonus episodes, extra episodes of the Warrior Kings podcast that you will only be able to get on the Patreon page. Super excited about that. So, either you're here because you are looking for information on how to level up your marriage, or. Or you're here because you listen to my how to be a better husband series on this podcast. It is my hope that that helped you level up your marriage in some way, and you want to expand on that. So, new people and regular people, welcome to another episode about husbandhood. And today we're going to be talking about what it means to be a warrior husband, what it means to be a good husband, what a husband is supposed to be, and what gives me the credentials to talk about such a thing? Well, I was in a relationship with ten years and two kids, and I did everything wrong in that relationship, and I had to learn the hard way. When my life fell apart, everything fell apart. And now, today, I am married to the woman of my dreams. We have three awesome sons together, and I am living my literal dream life. Like, I couldn't be happier. And I want that for you. And I'm here to share this wisdom with you so that you don't have to learn the hard way like I did when my life fell apart. And I had to learn what it meant to be a good, honorable man and a good husband. And I made the firm decision to level up my life instead of falling apart like everybody expected me to. And this episode won't cover everything because it would be impossible to fit all of the complexities of husband into one podcast episode. You know, all of the complexities of marriage, but this episode is a part of the whole that is my work on husbandhood and marriage and what it means to be a good husband and level up your marriage and your relationship with your wife. And we're gonna get into some crucial topics here that I pray will be a starting point for you, leveling up your relationship with your wife and your marriage, or even your future wife. Maybe you're not married yet, but you listen to the Warrior Kings podcast, and you want to know what it means to be a good husband because you want to be one someday. I'm glad you're listening to this, too, man. So, with all that being said, let's dive into what does it mean to be a good husband? And I know some of you have some sort of idea of what that means, what it means to be a good husband intuitively. And I know that some of you spend every day wishing that you could be a better husband, and you wish that you could stop messing up what feels like every move you make. How do I know that? Well, my how to be a better husband series has more plays than any other podcast episode that I've ever produced and put out there by a long shot. Like those episodes, the how to be a better husband series, have, I don't know, ten times the amount of downloads that my other episodes have all time. And while that's all awesome, that I'm reaching men all over the world and teaching them how to level up their marriages at the same time, that's kind of sad, you know, like, if you really think about it, because it just shows how lost we are as men when nobody is teaching us these things. Nobody's teaching us how to be a strong man. The complexities of what it means to be a man, how to be a man at all, and the challenges that we face as men, one of them being marriage. For most of us, there is no one to teach us what it means to be a man, and more importantly, what it means to be a good, honorable, respectable man. Some of you have heard me say this before, but I'll say it again, and I'll keep saying it. Marriage doesn't have to be hard. Marriage doesn't have to be challenging. And will it be challenging at times, in a sense. But those people to say, marriage is going to be really hard. You're gonna have to really work at it. It's gonna suck. Pro. Stay away from those people. We don't need that kind of negativity in our lives, and we definitely don't need it in our marriages. The preconceived notion that marriage should be and will be challenging causes more harm than good because it prepares us to have bad marriages. And those marriages might not otherwise be hard if we didn't expect them to be. Your marriage can be the best thing you've ever done. It could be your favorite thing in the world. It can be happy and exciting and thriving and life. Giving that advice, that marriage is going to be horrible comes from people in horrible marriages. Trust me, dude, it is not true for everyone. And if you feel that your marriage is horrible, that it's falling apart, we're going to get to fixing that right away. And I'm sorry, dude, but it starts with you. But before we get to you, I want to, for the first time ever, point the attention to her, your beautiful wife. I want you to take some time to reflect on when you first met, when you first started seeing each other. I want you to reflect on that intrigue and attraction and the things that called you to her. Remember how nervous you were the first time that you kissed her or even wrapped your arms around her? The way your heart raced, that this perfect angel of a human being was actually giving you the time of day. And somehow, someway, you were actually charming her. And it was working. Every word she said was the cutest thing that you had ever heard, and every word that you said was the best thing that you could come up with in order to make her feel happy and comfortable because you didn't want to f it up? Right? Remember the first time you made love? Was it awkward? Did you laugh about it together later? Was it a fiery storm of passion? Was it the first time you said, I love you? Were you nervous? Did you promise her the life of her dreams? That amazing, beautiful, cute, quirky girl that you decided that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with? You know she's still the same woman, right? And I really want that to land and sink in. There's this thing that happens when we've been with someone for a while and we really get to know them, and it's that the charm sort of wears off in the beginning of the relationship. We have this idea of them, and then we get to know them more and more. The real them, that real person and that familiarity and that openness has some negative, negative consequences. It's just a fact. For example, you sort of stop trying. You stop trying to impress. You stop sending her sweet texts just because you were thinking about her. You stop bringing her gifts when you're out, or you stop offering to bring her something from the kitchen on your way back. And when you're frustrated or angry or a little bit more open in your expression and a little more loose with your mouth. Right. And ask yourself, is the way that you talk to her now the same way that you talk to her when you first started seeing each other? Or back then? Would you not have even dared to speak to her in such a way? Be honest with yourself about that. And even more eye opening and a tough thing to swallow is, are you even the man that she thought she was marrying at all? Or did she marry some sort of false version of you that transformed over time as she got to know you, the real you? Do you think that if she considered the thought in some way, she would feel tricked or fooled into being with you? Hey, I told you. I say all of the things that most men don't want to hear, and that doesn't mean that you don't need to hear it. So what does it mean to be a good husband? The answer to that is very complex. And like I said, I can't fit all of that into one podcast episode. But I can give you some tips that will point you in the right direction to begin leveling up your relationship and your marriage and move into a life of a happy, thriving marriage with your beautiful wife. The first tip that I have for you is stop having conflict. Married couples have disagreements about all sorts of things, and the longer you've been together, those reasons get dumber and dumber as she says one thing, and then you say one thing, and then she comes back and says something to one up the thing that you said, and then you come back and say something meaner, and then it just escalates and escalates, and then after the fact, when you feel that you have sufficiently won, you look back and you realize how stupid the argument was to begin with. And there's this shame and embarrassment that you feel inside over the entire situation, and it's so pointless, dude. So my best advice is just stop having conflict. Realize how dumb the disagreement is or the argument is before it even gets started, before it even has a chance to escalate. And that might work sometimes, but I know it's not realistic all of the time. So what you need to do instead is approach the situation with both wisdom and love. Ask yourself, how can I respond with love? Instead of anger, irritation, or frustration, ask yourself, how can I respond with wisdom, or as a wise man would, and ask yourself, is she still gonna be my wife after this argument or after this disagreement? Yeah, probably. So consider that before you say something mean or hurtful, remember you made a lifelong commitment to spend the rest of your life with this woman. So do that. Love her. Women respond to love and affection and understanding more than they respond to challenge. It's your nature as a man to try to fix something when it's broken. But there is no fixing your wife's mood or the thing that she's frustrated by or the thing that she's perturbed by. As David Dida puts it in his book, the way of the superior man. Begin quote. The next time you notice yourself trying to fix your woman so that she will no longer blank, fill in the blank. Relax and give her love by touching her and telling her that you love her when she is this way, whatever you filled in the blank with, embrace her or wrestle with her or scream and yell for the heck of it, but make no effort to bring an end to that which pisses you off. Practice love instead of trying to bring an end to the quality that bothers you. You can't escape the tussle with the feminine. Learn to find humor in the unending emotional drama. The feminine seems to enjoy so much love that you magnify may realign her behavior, but your effort to fix her and your frustration never will. End quote. Some of you, when you have arguments, you resort to, she just doesn't understand how I feel. It's not that she doesn't understand how you feel. It's that she doesn't want to have to. She wants to feel that you are strong and unshakable. She wants to feel your warrior spirit. She wants you to be her warrior king, not her whiny baby. Which brings me to my next point. How does your wife see you? How does she perceive you? I'm gonna make up three guys here, and I want you to decide which one is more desirable to a woman, someone that she would actually want to spend the rest of her life with and make love with daily. So the first guy we'll call guy one, he has his shit together, as they say. He has a pretty good job, making a pretty good amount of money. He dresses pretty well. He knows how to interact with people pretty well. He spends his leisure time having some beers with the guys. Or maybe he just likes to relax alone. He just stays home and he watches some football or some sports and drinks beers on the weekends. Maybe he even likes to play video games. Maybe that's his thing. You know, there's a lot of guy ones and they all have their own thing. So some guys like football, some guys like video games. But you know, he spends his leisure time leisuring, you know what I'm saying? He's pretty passive in his life. He doesn't like to step on anyone's toes. He kind of gets along with everyone. He's a borderline people pleaser, but he stays out of trouble and that's a good thing. He looks great in family photos, you know, handsome guy. He has a few small investment accounts and a retirement plan. He loves polos and golf shorts. He's a pretty good dad and a pretty good husband. And he's passive in his relationship with his wife, even intimately. Now let's move on to guy two. You know, he has his shit together as they say. He has a pretty good job, making a pretty good amount of money. He dresses pretty well when he goes to work or out into public places, but at home he's an absolute mess. He lays around all day in gym shorts or pajamas. He burps and farts whenever, walks through the house scratching his nuts. Anytime he's off from work, he's just bumming around the house with no ambition driver purpose. He pours too much time into playing video games or watching other people win at sports. He's a pretty good dad and a pretty good husband, but most of the time he's very rude to his wife and is pretty much disinterested in having affection with her or intimacy with her. If you asked him what his plans for the future were, he would probably be a little confused and be like, everything's great right now. I'm living the dream. What are you talking about? Plans for the future. Living the dream. Right? And then let's move on to guy three. He has his shit together pretty well, but he doesn't have a very solid career yet. He makes a pretty good amount of money, but not quite enough yet. But he has big dreams and big plans for the future. His ambition is so strong that he wakes up every day with those big dreams. And he spends every spare minute pursuing, pursuing those things, working on those things, chasing those dreams to make them happen. Every day he wakes up early and he gets to work. He spends time on self care. Every day he gets up, he works out, he cleans himself up and he gets dressed. He doesn't have time to play video games or watch sports because he believes that he is building an empire even when everyone doubts him and can't even see it yet. There is no tangible evidence at all of the future that he believes so strongly in, especially since he's only making just enough money to get by. But he knows deep down that when his hard work and his sacrifices pay off, he will be be so far beyond everybody else that he knows it'll be ridiculous. He knows his calling and his purpose, and he pursues that relentlessly. He's a strong protector and provider. He's a good husband and father. And every decision that he makes is moving towards a better future for his wife, his kids, and their kids in generations beyond. He never gets into trouble because he doesn't have time for bullshit. And he'll be broken chasing his tail until he succumbs and becomes Guy one or guy two. Or he'll be broken chasing his tail until he doesn't have give up and eventually becomes a multimillionaire. So which guy is the more desirable man to a woman? Think about it, because society would have you believe that guy three is a total loser who's going nowhere. But you know what? Society is wrong. Not the first time that's ever happened. Guy one and Guy two are dead ends going absolutely nowhere. Guy one is such a basic wuss, so unwilling to take a risk in his life to build a better future, that he and his wife probably never have intimacy together at all. Gai two is a lazy slob with no ambition who has succumbed to the comforts of life instead of finding and pursuing the calling and purpose for his life. And his wife probably isn't attracted to him at all anymore. These two guys will be the same two guys at the exact same level that they are now for the rest of their lives. But Guy three, unstoppable. Guy three and his wife. They make love every day. But Michael, how could that make any sense at all? Guy one and Guy two are doing everything that they're supposed to do. They're doing all of the things that we're told are the right way to do things. Guy three is a crazy person. Yeah, crazy on his way to greatness. While Guy one and Guy two are headed for a very surprising wake up call when their life falls apart and they realize that they've been lied to about what they're supposed to be. As men, find and pursue the calling and purpose for your life. Take care of yourself. Have drive and ambition. Build a better future for yourself and for your family and for your wife from the ground up. Be loving and kind to your family. Ravish your wife with insatiable, loving. Take some risks, man. Step outside of the checklist of life that was laid out for us, to keep us mindless drones. As John Eldridge said in his book wild at heart, women don't want to be the adventurer. They want to be caught up in something much greater than themselves. If you want to know how to be more like guy three and how to build a future of abundance and a happy, thriving marriage that you built from nothing but a dream, listen to my series here on the Warrior Kings podcast titled how to be a better husband, where I dive deep into my principles of husbandhood and how to have a happy, thriving marriage that's not challenging or difficult that you have to work so hard at. Either you want to have a good marriage or you want to fix your marriage. This is a great starting point. Be the man and husband that you know you should be. Step up to the plate. Dive in, buddy. The water's fine. I am living proof that it's possible, man. Marriage doesn't have to be difficult. Marriage doesn't have to be challenging. You don't have to work hard at it if you're doing it right. What I said earlier about reflecting on how your wife is the same woman that you fell in love with and how you were enamored by her and wanted to impress her and charm her and how you wanted to spend the rest of your life with her, really want you to reflect on that. That wasn't just a couple seconds that I said reflect on that. I really want you to think about that in the coming days this week. Think about it. Think about when you fell in love with her and then fall in love with her all over again and fix your damn son. So thank you guys so much for watching and listening today. It's so good to talk to you today. I hope that you got something out of this. I hope that this inspired you in some way to level up your relationship, to level up your marriage with your beautiful wife. If you want to expand further, if you want to know more about the Warrior Kings podcast, if you want to know about the work that I do, there's some links down in the description of this podcast episode to point you in those right directions. Like I said, patreon is coming soon. So if you're getting this episode after it's already been released, that Patreon link should be there in the show notes of this episode by then. It's not out right now, you understand I'm saying we're on the same page, right? But anyways, thank you guys so much for being here today. Thank you for always listening and supporting the Warrior Kings podcast. This thing grows bigger and bigger every single day, and it's blowing my mind. I'm actually reaching men all over the world. I looked at a map earlier of where the Warrior Kings podcast is being listened to just today. I mean, it was everywhere. Everywhere, all over the world. Just blows my mind, dude. So I'm very grateful and thankful for that. Thank you guys again. But seriously, dude, we're building a strong community of like minded men here who want to better ourselves, level up our lives, level up every aspect of our lives. And I'm glad that we can do that together. I'm glad that I can talk to you today. So, with that being said, I'll catch you guys on the next one. Get out there. Kill it. You have so much going for you, dude. You are going to do great things in this life. I really, truly believe it. You listening to this podcast episode right now. There's a great calling and a purpose for your life. Get out there, find it discovered, and be it. Be the man that you know that you can be, everything that you know that you should be. Get to work. Thanks, guys. Bye.
