Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Hello and welcome to the Warrior Kings podcast. I'm your host, Michael Riggs, here to assist you on your journey to unlocking masculinity, manliness, and the warrior spirit within and overall leveling up your life. So again, welcome. Welcome to the Warrior Kings podcast. If it's your first time here, my name is Michael Riggs. I'm a full time author, artist, and entrepreneur, husband and father of five, and I teach men all over the world how to level up every aspect of their lives. And I say all of the things that most men don't want to hear. So if that's not your thing, definitely don't subscribe to this channel or to this podcast. But if it is, if you want to level up every aspect of your life as a man, that's what we do here, and it's great to have you here today. Welcome to the Warrior Kings community. I just want to say really quick that on some of the podcasting platforms where you might be listening to this, you might start hearing some short ads at the beginning of the episodes because we're partially monetized now. They're running some automatic ads on this podcast. So we might actually be making a little bit of money from the podcast now, which is super cool. I'm excited about it. We're going to see how that goes. And if ads are something that really, really annoy you, because I know they annoy some people, these are just really short ads that they're cutting into the beginning of the episode. So I thank you for sticking those out because that helps me to keep doing this podcast. So we're on our way up, man. Today we're going to be talking about how to deal with breakups. So you can consider this sort of the emo episode. Is anybody else as old as me and what had the chance to be emo back in the day? I kind of dabbled between the emo and hardcore scenes. Back then, actually, music was my life. It's pretty much all I did back then. But yeah, we're going to be talking about breakups and heartbreak, and I'm going to share with you how to not only deal with a breakup, but to move on and level up like you didn't even know was possible. And I'm feeling a little bit nasally, so that might be coming through. There's a cold running its way through my house because it's the start of the school year, and that's usually how that goes if you have kids or if your wife is a teacher. You know, this time of year, cold season. But, yeah, breakups can be hard. I went through a really big breakup, and it's one of the hardest things that I've ever been through in my life, and I've been through some pretty hard things, so I don't want to downplay breakups at all. I know that it's like a really difficult thing to go through, and we learn and grow from it in our lives. And I think that it totally necessary to go through that sometimes as we're moving our way towards being with our one true love, which is something that I believe in. If you've been here for a while, you know that I believe in one true love and a one true wife and monogamy and all that. But we're going to go through some breakups on our way to that. And breakups are difficult. Even if it was your choice to break up, to make that disconnect from that person, that can be hard. It can be very difficult, even if it was your choice, because it was somebody you really got to know and really got close with, and you're making the decision to cut it off, right. And for a lot of you, it wasn't your choice. And you're feeling this massive heartbreak in your life in this void that suddenly opened up. And a lot of men find themselves living alone for the first time in what feels like forever. And it's kind of like, what now? And it's like entering this whole new alien world that can be very confusing. There's a sort of security that comes with being in a relationship, a long term relationship, or even for a few months, that it's this normality that you get used to. And then when it's suddenly gone, it's like, what the heck do I do now, man? Like, how do I even live? Not to sound too dramatic, but I'm telling you, that's how it is sometimes. And I really think that we have two choices in this situation. We can either self destruct and completely fall apart, or we can rise to the occasion. So without further ado, let's dive right into it, dude. There are usually seven stages to a bad breakup, and the first stage is shock and denial. You might try to deny that the breakup is actually happening, or at first, you might feel numb to the situation or kind of avoid the reality. It's like it's not really happening. There's this feeling of like, yeah, okay, you'll be back. I'll see you as soon as you get back. You know what I'm saying? And the second stage is realizing that it's actually over and feeling this strong wave of sadness or even panic that sets in suddenly when it's like this sudden realization, wow, we broke up. Then anger sometimes follows. That's the next step. You might start blaming the other person or directing anger or resentment towards them with little jabs and minor attacks. The fourth stage of going through a breakup is bargaining. You rack your brain trying to come up with solutions to the breakup, and you kind of try to find a way that you can change things or repair things so that the relationship can continue on and you can get back together. And the fifth stage of going through a breakup is sometimes depression, especially if you find yourself suddenly living alone. For me, I was in a relationship for ten years. And for a few of those years, my daughters were always in the house. They were always home. There were little girls at the time. And when they were suddenly gone and when my ex was suddenly gone and I was living alone, I felt this sadness. It was difficult to go to bed at night. I felt, like, massively alone. So I get it. I spent a lot of nights during that time feeling depressed. The 6th. I'm not very good at saying that word. The 6th stage of a breakup is acceptance. Over time, you start to come to terms with the breakup, and you kind of start to move on and start focusing on your new life in the future and all of the potential that lies ahead of you. And the 7th step to a breakup is rebuilding. You're comfortable in your life moving forward without this person, and you see that amazing future of possibilities that lies before you. But this doesn't happen for everyone. Like I said before, you have two options. Either fall apart and self destruct, or rise to the occasion and see it as a. An opportunity to level up every aspect of your life. The idea is to expedite that, process, those stages, and to jump to level six and seven, which are acceptance and rebuilding. So how can you jump to stages six and seven and start rebuilding your life? A better life, a better future, which for some of you might sound really unrealistic and kind of impossible. But I'm going to present to you a pretty good case on why it actually is possible. So listen up. I know some of you are saying, I will fight for her no matter what. I will fight for my family no matter what. And I commend you for that. You are doing the right thing, especially if you are married or if you have kids involved in the relationship. You should absolutely fight for your marriage and your family. But we need to make sure that you are fighting in the right way. What better way to fight for that than becoming the best possible version of yourself that you can be? The hard truth about women is that when theyre done, theyre done. And theres very little, if not nothing you can do to change that. Its just a hard fact. Its a hard truth. But I can tell you one thing that gets under their skin like nothing else can. Its seeing how okay you are after the fact, even if most of the time you're having to fake it and you're actually trying to keep it all together. So stages two and three, they're very real. Some days you will feel sadness and anger, find someone to talk to and confide in and lift some weights instead of trying to argue with her or get back at her in some sort of way. Because, dude, that will only make things worse. And I'm not telling you to internalize your emotions until you explode. I'm just saying don't put them on full display for her. The best way that you can fight for her and even fight for your family is to level up every aspect of yourself, of your own life, plain and simple. And I'm gonna be honest with you, man. If she broke up with you, and if she left, and it's real, there's a good chance it's over. And that's where we jump to acceptance. And I know it sucks sometimes, but that anger and resentment and those times that you feel like arguing with her more, trying more, or you feel like getting back at her in some way, that's not going to do anything to make her feel like she made a mistake or should come running back to you in any way, it does nothing for you. But if you want to really get back at her, if you want to really get under her skin and make her feel like she did make a mistake by leaving you, and if she is expecting you to just fall apart without her, then do the exact opposite. Become the best possible version of yourself that you can be in every aspect of your life. And hey, man, talk to some pretty girls. You can do that now. But don't rush into a rebound relationship that's kind of destructive as well. You want to focus on you for a while, take it as an opportunity for growth. And I bet you have a lot of extra time now. You have some extra time now, right? What do you do with that time? One thing that really helps me when my life fell apart and I was going through that major breakup is I started stepping outside of my comfort zone at least a few times a week. It felt weird to go out by myself to get something to eat or go to the taco shop to get some tacos and sit there by myself and eat it. But I did it. Did I feel like a loser at first? Kinda, yeah. I went to church for the first time in years by myself and I sat by myself. You have to get out there into the world, and for some of us, it's the first time in a long time that we've even been able to do that. And I'm telling you, man, it can be extremely liberating. You're gonna feel your independence. Don't sit in your apartment alone, drinking in your sorrows, replaying memories of the past, texting or jabs to try to get back at her. Being a wuss and making yourself look like a wuss. Get out there into the world and start leveling up every aspect of your life. Get around other people. Go to the gym where you can be around other people. Get your mind off of things while you're also building your physical fitness and your health. Get into church, where again, you can get around other people and start building your mental and spiritual health. And guess what, man? There's a lot of pretty single women in church, and they want a good man, a strong man, who is on his way to leveling up every aspect of his life. That's what they're looking for. And it can be fun to swipe left and right on an app when you first have a breakup and be like, haha, which one do I want? But that's not going to do anything real for you. You need to make real human connections, and you're not going to find that through a screen. And finding another woman to have a long term relationship with shouldn't even be your focus right now. Your focus should be building a better life for yourself. But if you find yourself wanting a real connection with a woman and a real relationship with a good woman, you need to find a good one. One with goals and ambitions and dreams and wants to take care of you. You know what I'm saying? Is on her way up, like you are on your way up. But your focus right now is building a better life for yourself. So what are the steps for doing that? Here's my step by step process, so listen up. The first thing that I want you to do is I want you to go and get a book called the Way of the Superior man by David Dida. And I have no connection to this guy at all. This is just the book that I read when I was going through my big breakup and it shifted my perspective of everything massively. I mean, just an amazing, powerful book. Especially if you have confusion around relationships and intimacy with women and what a man is supposed to be in relationships. And I want you to commit to reading one chapter or more of that book every single day. Me personally, I read straight through it, and then I got started on reading it again. I kind of got obsessed with that book back then. I still read a chapter here and there. It's one of my favorite books of all time. Massively changed my life. So you're going to read one chapter or more of the way of the superior man by David Deda every day. And while you're at it, you can order a copy of my book, warrior King, because you're already shopping for books, so why not? I mean, two books on how to level up your life. Shameless. Okay, super. Next, I want you to make a point to work out every single day, or at least five times a week, and I want you to really commit to that. Next, don't consume any content that is not focused on personal growth during this time. I want you to get obsessed with leveling up your life and being the best possible version of yourself that you can be. So don't sit around absorbing mindless, useless content. I want you to focus on if you need some entertainment, if you need to relax for a while and watch something, watch motivational or personal development content and nothing else for a while. I want you to get a notebook or a piece of paper, however many it takes. And I want you to write out the vision of your life, vision of your future, the life that you are building, and write it in bullet points, step by step, event by event, year by year, the vision for your life, everything that you want to do or accomplish in this life, from right now until you're an old man and had already accomplished all of those things. Write the vision of your future life. And I want you to be really unrealistic about it because we're not here to be realistic. This is like if everything just works out perfectly and you end up living your dream life. Write that down. Next. And this one is very, very important, so pay strict attention to this one. Tune back in. If you tuned out, I don't want you talking to your ex at all unless she reaches out to you first. If you need to check on your kids, if you have kids and they're with her, that's a totally different story. Just do that. Check on your kids and then bounce. Don't give any opportunity for a conversation or a discussion that will turn into some sort of argument or debate and escalate or some sort of emotional sob. Don't let that happen. Don't talk to her unless she reaches out to you first. And while you're only talking to her, if she reaches out to you first and she asked how you're doing or something like that, only respond with positivity. Things like, I'm doing really well. I went to the gym today. I got some food from that new food truck downtown. Just, you are living your own life. Only positivity. Don't be like, oh, man, it's been really tough. I just miss you. I wish I could see you again, all that stuff. No, you're doing great, bro. And also, you're too busy to talk. You're too busy leveling up your life. And if you've been here for a while, you've definitely heard me say, busy equals value. You're way too busy and way too awesome to have time for bullshit. And if you're doing what I'm saying right now to try to win her back, you're doing it wrong. What I want you to be doing is psychologically reprogramming yourself into acceptance and realizing the amazing future that lies ahead of you, with or without her. Because eventually you'll be like, dang, I'm doing good, and I'm okay, and my life is awesome because I don't want you to be faking, being busy, leveling up your life. I actually want you to be out there leveling up your life. You are busy. The next thing I want you to do is begin focusing on your spiritual health, whatever that means for you. My solution to everything is Jesus, and I highly recommend Jesus. But I know that we all have different beliefs. There are three pillars here that I want you to tackle, and that's mental, physical, and spiritual health. Mind, body, and spirit. Some people go through breakups, and they self destruct through sorrow, substances, and a bottle of lotion. You are going to rise through mental, physical, and spiritual health. Focus on self care every day. Get up out of bed early instead of laying around procrastinating the day. Get excited about the blessing that is every new day, the potential that lies in that day. A whole new nother day of life, bro. It's a beautiful thing. Shower and groom yourself, take care of yourself, and then get to work. Explore who you are. You have full freedom to do this now, and chances are you have some extra time and need some extra money to suddenly be handling a one income life. So now maybe it's time to start following that dream or starting that business that you've always wanted to start, to really go for that thing. Maybe you even wrote that down in the vision for your future life. The vision for your life is what I call it. The vision for your future life doesn't make a whole lot of sense. It is your life right now. Vision for your life and set new goals. Get better every single day. A little bit every single day. And after you have leveled up every aspect of your life, you know what? There might come a day. There's a small chance that she might come back and say that she wants to work things out with you and that she made a mistake, especially if she's seen this massive transformation in your life and how you've actually leveled up every aspect of your life and become this whole new super awesome person. But by then, dude, you might not even want to. By then, you'd probably tell her, no, thank you. You might very well realize that you are better off without her and that she was actually keeping you down. When my ex first left, I panicked. I didn't know what to do. Panic is the best word for how I felt. I felt like I wasn't even gonna be able to live. Like, how am I even gonna live now? Flash forward a few years, and I know for a fact that she was keeping me. One, from being myself. Two, from reaching my full potential. Three, she was breaking me down as a person, mentally, physically, and spiritually. And will it be hard some days? Heck, yeah, man. I'm not saying it won't be. It's gonna be hard some days. It's just how you choose to respond to that. Are you self destructing and falling apart? Or are you rising to the occasion and leveling up your life? Those are your two choices. But if you are actually doing these things to actually level up your life and level up your future, and if you are actively engaged in optimizing every aspect of your life now, you are the guy who is on his way to a future of abundance on unlimited possibilities, instead of the sad, sore guy who got dumped. It's your perception. Either this is the worst thing that's ever happened to you, or it's an opportunity. The greatest opportunity that you have ever had. Either you're going to self destruct and you're going to stay stuck as that same guy, or you're going to rise. The choice is yours. Embrace your independence and rediscover who you are as a man and build a life that truly, truly makes you happy. So thank you guys so much for watching and listening today. I hope that you got something out of this. I hope that this helped you get past your breakup or understand more about that process of breaking up and, you know, how to get to those stages of acceptance and rebuilding, because there's a super awesome future in store for you, dude. I really, truly believe it. You're going to do great things in this life. You listening to this right now? You are on your way to greatness. I'm going to put a link down in the description of this podcast episode, which will take you to our YouTube channel, the Warrior Kings podcast. Michael Riggs, YouTube channel I would really appreciate it if you would click the subscribe button on that to help us grow that channel. The podcast is growing. It levels up every day. The numbers just keep rising. It blows my mind. But I would love to get that YouTube channel kicked off and going strong. So I would really appreciate that if you guys could just swing over there and do that really quick where you can also watch the video versions of my content as well as some extra content. I put out all kinds of videos on there, not just podcast episodes. So if you want some extra content, some extra motivational, inspirational content, content from my own lifestyle, my own life, swing over there, hit that subscribe button, and I really appreciate it. Also, if you guys didn't know, this podcast is sort of an extension to my book, warrior, unlocking masculinity, manliness, and the warrior spirit within. It's a seven level book to teach you how to level up every aspect of your life as a man and what it means to be a man and all that. Everything that I learned on my own personal journey of leveling up my own life after my life fell apart, after that big breakup that I talked about before I wrote it all into this one book. So a perfect starting point for leveling up your life. If you want to dive into that, check it out. And there's also an audiobook form of it. Now, if you're just wanting to listen to it on the way to work or when you're doing whatever, there is an audiobook if you're not really a reading kind of guy. Yeah. Thank you guys for being here, and I'll catch you on the next one. Get out there and kill it, man. Bye.
