Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Every time that you try to be confident, they try to pull you back down. They're weighing you down in your life because they don't want you to transcend them. Right? That's the way of the loser is they don't want you to get better than them. They want to keep you a loser too. Hello and welcome to the Warrior Kings podcast. My name is Michael Riggs. I'm a full time author, artist and entrepreneur here to assist you in leveling up every aspect of your life. So again, welcome and welcome back. I hope you guys are having a good week. We just came off of Easter weekend, if you don't know about Easter. That's where we celebrate the resurrection of Jesus Christ and a bunny who leaves magical treats in Easter baskets so that everybody can have fun too. If you're new here, this is part two in my series called Unbreakable. And today we're going to be talking about how to build unbreakable confidence. The episode before this one was how to build an unbreakable mindset. And later on in this talk, I'm going to give you six real life actionable tips to help you level up your confidence game. So stick around for those. Also, if you're new here, this podcast is to inspire men all over the world to level up every aspect of their lives from their careers, following their dreams, their relationships, marriages, being a dad, basically all around how to be a super awesome dude. So if that's something that you're into, definitely subscribe, stick around so you don't miss any of my future content. Lots of valuable information that I've learned over the years that I put into these episodes that I want to get into your hands. So with that being said, let's dive into the topic of today, which is how to build unbreakable confidence. I have a secret for you. Did you know that even the most confident people in the world struggle with confidence? It's true. But how does that make sense? Even the most confident people have to prep themselves every day to be that, to be that confident. The truth is, when you really get down to it, everyone is self conscious, at least on some level. Everyone has insecurities and things that they're worried about. It's just kind of a natural human thing. You understand what I'm saying? And some of the seemingly most confident people in the world are wearing a mask, a Persona that they put on. It's a false self. And I'm going to get into why that's a mistake doing that later on. And we're going to talk about authenticity and the power in that it is possible to become more confident and to be that naturally. And we're going to talk about how to do that. But a lot of people who you might think are the most confident people and you admire their confidence might be wearing like a false Persona, a false mask that they put on every day, or they're actually really self conscious, but they've learned to present themselves in a certain way. Right? But basically when you get down to it, everyone is self conscious. Everyone has to prep themselves to be confident. And there's also a very distinct line between confidence and narcissism. And I looked this up, I googled it. So this comes from a Google search from a website called groupporttherapy.com if I'm saying that right, I just want to reference the right people. You know, I didn't write this stuff, but group porttherapy.com differentiating confidence from narcissism Confident individuals value themselves without devaluing others and can balance their needs with the needs of others. Narcissists, however, perceive themselves as superior and often disregard the feelings and needs of others to maintain their self image. So true confidence is I'm awesome, you're awesome, we're all awesome. I'm okay with myself, I love myself. And I love you too. While narcissism is like, I'm a God, I'm the best and you're so who cares about how you feel, right? There is a massive line actually between confidence and narcissism. So it's important not to mix the two up. Like when you say, I wish I was more confident, I would hope that you don't mean I wish I was better than everyone else and I wish that I thought I was better than everyone else. I wish I had a superiority complex. I wish that I thought other people were smaller than me. Right? When true confidence is self love, it's being okay with who you are. And when you go out into the world and present yourself to other people in the world and that sort of stuff, just feeling okay with you, right? And I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with thinking that you're awesome. Like having that confidence to go out into the world and just know that you're awesome, there's nothing wrong with that. It's just not having that superiority complex and thinking that you're better than everyone else and that everybody is below you. So I guess we can get kind of confused about the two things because we might see someone who is very narcissistic. On the inside and think, man, that guy is so confident. He's so cool. I wish I could be like that. I wish I could just go out and be a badass and awesome like that. When really he thinks he's better than everyone else. He has like a superiority complex, right? And that's not cool. So developing authentic confidence. Way super cooler than being a narcissistic. A hole, right? So like that definition says, confident individuals value themselves without devaluing others and can balance their needs with the needs of others. Narcissists, however, perceive themselves as superior and often disregard the feelings and needs of others to maintain their self image. So in a lot of ways, a narcissist has to put other people down in order to maintain their personal image and reinforce those beliefs that they're better than everyone else. Whereas an authentically confident person would have no need to do that. They would just be like, I'm so freaking awesome, dude, and I love you and you're awesome too. And hey, we can all be awesome. In order for one to find themselves superior to everyone else, they would either have to be delusional or a narcissist. Confidence isn't about being better than everyone else. It's about loving who you are, being okay with who you are, unburdened by the judgments and opinions of others. And a lot of the times when people say, how can I be more confident? Or they're seeking advice how to be more confident, you might have found this podcast, video or episode in that way, like, how can I be more confident? Right. The problem most often is the fear of judgments and opinions of others and being self conscious and, you know, introverted and shy in social situations. And I'll tell you right now, I am a very introverted person. I hate being in a room full of people that I'm not very close with. I don't like going out, I like to keep to myself. I like to keep my small circle of people. So I get it. I get the anxiety that comes with being around a lot of people and interacting with people. I've gotten better over the years at being more confident and being okay with me. And when I am in those situations, I'm outgoing and I talk to people and I talk to them kindly. Maybe on a certain level it is kind of putting on a face because I don't want to be there. Right. I'm just trying to relate here that I am a very introverted person too. And a lot of the times when people are seeking advice on how to be more confident it's because they feel introverted and they're kind of scared of the judgments and opinions of others. Like, if I am myself, myself right now, how are people going to perceive that? And how can I act in a way that's acceptable to everyone here? And true confidence is about authenticity, being who you truly are, and being okay with that. In the seventh level of my book, Warrior King, which this podcast was based off of, I talk about the need to have unshakable, unbreakable confidence and how necessary that is to be successful in life. And in that chapter, I talk about how at book signings and events that I go to, like, conventions and book signings, I have crippling nervousness before those events. And if you've ever met me at one of those events, events, you wouldn't know that. I sign books, I'm talking to people. Boom, boom, boom. I'm having a good time, smiling, greeting everyone that passes by. Like, even people that don't even stop at my booth to buy something or get a book signed, I greet them as they walk by, you know? But before that event, leading up to that event, I am always super, super nervous. Sometimes I even consider canceling those events because I'm like, gosh, I really don't feel like doing that. Like, it's almost like a fear. And every time I have to overcome that. Another thing that I do, which you probably do if. If you're seeking advice on how to be more confident and if you're awkward in social situations and in rooms full of people, is every interaction that I have with people who come to my booth to buy something or get a book signed, I overthink that conversation over and over again. I play the whole thing. I'm like, did I say something weird? Was I being weird? You know, that whole thing, like, I re. I overthink it. I replay conversations over and over again. But every time I overcome. I do those events, I do those book signings, and in the end, it turns out that everything was okay and everything was awesome. And I feel like a lot of the times that's just what you have to do. You have to. To step outside of your comfort zone and just go out and do that thing. And over time, you get more and more used to it, and you get more and more confident in doing it, which I have over time. And stepping outside of your comfort zone, even though you don't want to, even if it's crippling you, the fear of that thing, the more you step out and do that, the more you are building confidence and doing those things. It can be as simple as going to a get together with people that your girlfriend invited you to and you're really nervous about that. Or it could be like something as big as you have to go and do a TED Talk or something like that, and you're. You're like cripplingly nervous and you have anxiety and you're like, how am I going to talk to these hundreds of people that are standing in front of me and possibly thousands, if not millions online just go out, step in and do that thing. You have to step outside of your comfort zone. And every time that you do that, you are overcoming yourself. And overcoming yourself is something that most people are not even willing to try to do. You are your worst enemy and most things when it comes to mindset. So you might ask me, Michael, why are you giving advice on how to be more confident if you yourself are not confident? If you get nervous before events, hey, guess what, man? I'm talking to you on a camera right now. I don't even know who's going to see this. Even though I struggle with confidence issues, even though I struggle with social interactions with people I don't know and stuff like that, I believe that abundant, abounding confidence isn't about thinking that you're better than everyone else. It's not thinking that I am super awesome. And now I'm able to go and do these things because I'm just this demigod or whatever, right? Abundant, abounding confidence has nothing to do with thinking that you are superior. Like I said, it's about loving who you are, being okay with who you are and overcoming. Overcoming those fears, overcoming those limitations, overcoming the things that are holding you back, overcoming the fear of opinions and judgments of others, overcoming self. So while I'm talking to you right now on this podcast and on this YouTube channel, maybe this scares me on a certain level, too. But guess what? I'm stepping outside of that comfort zone. And I'm doing this thing because I feel called to it. Every time I do one of those events or book signings and I'm nervous to go, guess what? I step outside of my comfort zone and I go and do it. I have the confidence to step out and do these things, and I'm humble enough to know that everyone else is just like you and me, trying to figure it out and make it work right? And I will admit that on some certain level, there is two sides to me. And this contradiction can be found in my book, Warrior King as well hey, at least I admit it. There is a chapter in my book, Warrior King called the Suppression of the cocky Man. And in that chapter I talk about the agenda to kill young men's confidence. And there is that part of me that is that cocky guy, right? I feel like that's kind of a part of all men on a certain level. But guess what, back to that secret that I told you in the beginning, that cocky me is in constant battle with the self conscious me, the me that wants to quit, the me that wants to cancel, the me that wants to not go to the party, not go to the family get together, not go to the social event, right? It's a constant battle between those two people. Cocky Michael and scared nervous wreck Michael. Since I was a kid, guys weren't allowed to be confident. And if they were, it was considered cringy. If you're a dude, I'm sure you have heard the terms douchebag and cocky or even conceited. If a man is confident, he is cocky and conceited, right? I remember people saying this all the way back to like maybe middle school. If a guy was confident, he was cocky and conceited, he was a douchebag. So a lot of us as young men end up suppressing those parts of us that are just naturally confident. If there is a natural confidence there, we end up suppressing that in order to not be perceived in that way. We don't want to be the douchebag, we don't want to be cocky, we don't want to be conceited, we want to be humble and accepted by everybody. Right? I don't want to be an. And if I think that I'm cool, if I think that I'm awesome, if I love myself, then everybody else just thinks I'm a piece of crap. So why even be confident? It's this suppression and I think that it's more subconscious than it is conscious on the surface level. But I remember being very confident early on and then suppressing that later because I didn't want to be perceived as the cocky douchebag guy. And this is what's called a subconscious limiting belief. Subconscious limiting beliefs are things that are ingrained into our psyche over time that we might not even be aware of based on our circumstances. Things that people said while we were growing up, experiences that we had, things that embarrassed us. These things go into our subconscious and become concrete beliefs in our psyche. And this is a good example of one of those things, the suppression of the cocky man, which I talk about in that Book. Subconscious limiting beliefs are often crafted and created in our minds when we're kids and young adults because those are the most critical times where we're learning how to be a person and how to interact with others. And a lot of times, the lack of confidence that people have comes from these subconscious, limiting beliefs. Like, it could be something as small as Jessica, back in school, told you that your braces looked dumb, or kids in gym class laughed at you because your shorts were too short and said you were wearing booty shorts or something like that. And now you wear extra long shorts past your knees and look like a tool, you know? But these things get more and more serious, too. It's not just, you know, aesthetic things. These things could be things about our personality, how we present ourselves to the world, how we feel about having interactions with others. For example, if you went to school one day really feeling yourself about an outfit you were wearing or a certain thing that you were going to be doing, maybe it was like the talent show and you were supposed to play guitar or whatever and you were just feeling really confident about that thing, excited about that thing, and you got to school and everybody made fun of you and laughed at you about it. So you might say, eff it, I'm never being confident again. Just to avoid that pain and that embarrassment. Like, I never want to feel like that again. I never want to be embarrassed or shamed like that again. Maybe you're someone who's always been just naturally awkward in social situations and you do what I do, which is to overthink every interaction over and over again and eventually you just, just stop having interactions. Because, like, I don't want to feel like that, right? I don't want to feel embarrassed. I don't want to feel awkward. I don't want to feel like that. So how do we overcome this lack of confidence? How do we overcome ourselves? How do we transcend this thing that is holding us back in our lives, this fear? So these are my six tips and practices to build your confidence and move forward and move on with your life and have a super awesome, super awesome life where you're okay with you, you love yourself, and you can just really get out there and do it because you are awesome, bro. Let's get into these six things right now. And the first thing on list is celebrating small victories. One way to build your confidence is to celebrate every win, no matter how small or big it is. Celebrate every win. Realize how awesome you are, even if it's something like you passed a test or you sold A couple of copies of a book that you self published. Sometimes we focus on big wins so much that we don't recognize the small wins. We have this in game result that we see in our minds of where we want to go, who we want to be, the life that we want to live. And because of that, we take the small wins for granted or we don't even realize that they're happening or notice that they're happening. So celebrating the small wins along the way will build your confidence. It's recognizing all of those awesome things that you have done, no matter how small they seem in celebrating them like they're the best thing that's ever happened to you. And this can be played into confidence as well. Like say you want to be more confident in social interactions. Every social interaction that you have that you felt went well. Celebrate that. Be like, dang, that went awesome. I'm an awesome guy, I love me. And then go into another one and another one and another one until you are, you know, whatever your in game results is, speaking to a crowd of people or whatever. The thing is that you want to be more confident in celebrate small wins along the way to build yourself up in confidence to get to those big wins and then celebrate the out of those. Because if we're not celebrating the small wins on the way to those big wins, we don't feel like we're doing anything and we're going to have negative opinions about ourselves. We need to have positive self talk, which we're going to talk about in a minute. But it's celebrating those small wins along the way that's going to make a huge difference in your life. Recognize everything awesome that you are doing. The second thing that I want to talk about when it comes to building your confidence is practicing self care every day. Do you take care of yourself? Do you groom yourself well? Do you exercise? You know, these are things that will boost our confidence more than we even realize, right? Like if you're just slumping out of bed in the morning, taking a shower really quick, throwing on some clothes, heading out the door, you're not going to feel confident in yourself. You need to get up and practice self care. You need to do things to boost your confidence. And I'm not going to get too much into specifics about grooming, but you know, there's little subtle things you can do. Like if you have a beard, put beard oil in your beard, wash your face and moisturize it, take care of your clothes, make sure that you look nice for your day. Look at yourself in the mirror and really, and really see, like this is how I'm presenting myself to the world and love what you're seeing in that mirror. So if we're talking about self care, you can't look in the mirror and say look at that ugly idiot or whatever you say to yourself. You have to say, dang, I look awesome today. I'm making sure that I look awesome today. I'm making sure that I feel awesome today and I'm going out there and getting it. And physical fitness and exercise plays a huge part of this as well. Like even if you don't go hard and go to the gym every single day and you're not trying to be the biggest dude in the world and be ripped and fit to it, if you just do like 100 push ups and 100 squats every day, you're going to completely transform your appearance in just a very short amount of time, even if it's on a subtle level. And it will also boost your confidence. Like if you're not taking care of yourself, you can't be confident in who you are. So practice self care every day. And this can go into things like mindfulness practices, meditation, prayer, the diet that you're eating. Anything that makes you feel good in your body, makes you feel good about you, is going to boost your confidence. So that's grooming and taking care of yourself, properly exercising and getting some fitness in, even if it's on a minimal level, just do something to up your fitness game. And spiritual practice plays a huge part in this as well. Because if you're not taking care of your mind, body and spirit, you are not going to be confident in your life. Take care of your mind, body and spirit. Self care. The third thing that I want to talk about here is stepping outside of your comfort zone regularly, which we talked about a little bit before. Whatever you want to be more confident in in your life, do that thing more. You have to step outside of your comfort zone. Or el, you are never going to be confident. As David Da puts it in his book the Way of the Superior man, always lean just beyond your edge, just beyond your comfort zone. Don't try to go too far, don't try to go too hard at first. You have to constantly and consistently be just beyond that edge of comfort. If you are holding back and being reserved in your life from the things that you are afraid of, especially when it comes from confidence, you are experiencing no growth in your life, no growth in your confidence. And you will probably be forever afraid to do those Things. I know a guy who lives with his parents. He's not that much younger than me, and he doesn't go anywhere. He stays at home all the time in his room playing video games, doing absolutely nothing because he's afraid to go out into the world. And he has succumbed to that fear. He has become crippled by it in his life. And that gets worse and worse and worse. You have to step outside of your comfort zone and you have to just go out there and do it. If you're afraid to talk to people, talk to somebody every day. If you're afraid of public speaking, speak in public as much as you possibly can. If you want to do this and talk to a camera and a microphone and you're afraid to put yourself out there and do that, push record, bro. Just go for it. Start doing the thing. You have to step outside of your comfort zone. If you want to build confidence, it's absolutely critical. Number four on this list is practicing positive self talk. So if you are someone who has a inner dialogue in your head all day long, like me, that inner dialogue can be very negative sometimes. And we have the tendency to automatically have negative thoughts about ourselves. Negative self talk, hate on ourselves. Like if you stub your toe on the side of the coffee table while you're walking through the living room, you might be like, oh, idiot. You know, it's, it's just like a natural reaction. And this negative self talk just kind of doesn't stop until you become more aware of it. One of the ways to become more confident is to shift that into positive self talk and catching those negative thought patterns before they can get any further and shifting them into positive thought patterns. Like say you had an interaction with somebody that you didn't feel good about and you're self conscious about it and you're like, man, I wish I would have said, said this. I wish I would have said that. What did they mean by this when they said it this way? You know, I must be such an idiot. You know, all of that negative self talk, shift that into positive self talk. Like, I'm awesome. That went so well. Focus on the positive things, right? And what I mean by positive self talk isn't just talking to yourself in your mind and being like, you're beautiful. You know, like positive affirmations like, you're beautiful, you're awesome, you're amazing. It goes into every thought that we have because the thoughts that we are having are our inner dialogue. Did you guys know that some people don't have an inner dialogue or monologue I don't know which one of those things is the correct way to say a dialogue or monologue, but some people don't have their own voice in their head having thoughts all day long. I learned that recently and it kind of freaks me out like, because how do you guys not have that? But anyways, so if that's you. Some of us have our thoughts in our head all day long and we are talking to ourselves in our thoughts about things and circumstances and you know, just literally everything about life. But controlling your thoughts, taking your negative thought spirals captive and shifting them into positive thought spirals will up your confidence a lot. Lot. So definitely practice positive self talk. The fifth thing that I want to talk about on this list of 6 things to boost your confidence is changing your environment and getting around the right people. A lot of the times our lack in confidence can be directly correlated to the people that we're spending the most time with. If you are hanging out with people that are making you feel about yourself and about your life, if your environment is, there's no way that you are going to be confident in your life, right? You want to be around people who are seeking the same success that you are seeking, that are seeking confidence and leveling up every aspect of their lives just like you are. You want to be around positive minded people, people who encourage you, people who inspire you. You can't be confident if you are around dumb, bum, goon, loser people. If you are hanging out with low level goons all the time that are going nowhere in life and are making you feel terrible about yourself, you cannot be confident you're going to feel like them. There's this old saying that goes something like, if you hang out with five millionaires, you'll be the sixth and if you hang out with five losers, you'll be the six. That is absolutely true. You have to get around the right people. People that make you feel good about yourself, people who make you feel who you are, people who encourage you and inspire you, believe in your dreams, believe in your confidence. If you're around people all the time who doubt you or make you feel dumb or silly for the things that you want to do or the things that you want to pursue, or who embarrass you every time you try to do something new, every time that you try to be confident, they try to pull you back down. They're weighing you down in your life because they don't want you to transcend them, right? That's the way of the loser is they don't Want you to get better than them. They want to keep you a loser too. So you need to get around success minded people. People who are focused on self mast, self improvement and want to go somewhere in life and want to take people along with them just like you do. Get around the right people. Change your environment. And the sixth thing, the final thing that I want to talk about here, which is the most important thing, is the power of authenticity. You need to find out who you are authentically and become okay with that. There is great power in authenticity. Like I said at the beginning of the episode, most of these super confident people that we see are wearing a Persona. It's like a mask that they put on when they go out into the world world. It's a fake confidence. But the more authentic you become, the realer your confidence is because you are okay with you, right? And a bonus that comes from this is that you attract those people into your life that are the right people that want to be around you. Those people that love those qualities about you that you once hated. Those people that love the true, authentic you. The people that want success for you. The people that want to see you happy. The people that want to encourage you. Those people will come into your life because they love the true, authentic you. So if you don't know who the true authentic you is yet, you need to do some self exploration. Find out who this is and give it a shot. Go out there and just be yourself. It's like your mom might have told you when you were little, just go and be yourself. There is some truth in that. The more you are yourself, the more confident you will be. And you know, maybe moms were right. Just go out there and be yourself. There is great power in authenticity. And authenticity is where true confidence comes from. Not fake confidence, not fake false Persona. Mass confidence, not narcissism. It's true, authentic confidence. Because you are okay with who you are. You love who you are. Are right? That is true confidence. Seek authenticity in everything that you do and everything that you pursue and in every interaction that you have. So thank you guys so much for watching and listening. Today I'm going to link part one of this series in case you missed it so that you can go and listen to or watch that one as well. I hope that this episode inspired you in some way. If it did, definitely let me know in the comments on YouTube. That's the best way to reach me. I would love to hear from you. I'd love to hear your thoughts on this subject. And I hope that this has given you some insight into how to be more confident if that's the information that you were seeking. So get out there, kill it, and do it. And I'll catch you guys on the next one. Thank you, guys. Bye.
