Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Most men don't lose their wife's love overnight. They lose her respect slowly, one moment at a time. You stop leading. You stop following through. You start explaining instead of acting. And before you know it, the woman who once looked at you like her hero now looks at you like just another child to manage. But here's the truth. Respect isn't demanded. It's earned through consistency. If it's your first time here, my name is Michael Riggs. I'm a full time author, entrepreneur, men's personal development and marriage mentor, husband and father six and I teach men all over the world how to live fully optimized, leveled up lives. So if that's something you're into, definitely stick around. Subscribe to this Podcast Follow this podcast, subscribe to this YouTube channel wherever you're getting this. Because that is what we do here every week. Talk about man stuff and how to be better fathers, leaders, husbands, overall successful men and more. And in this episode, I'm going to show you exactly how to become the man that your wife can admire again. Not by chasing her approval, but by becoming the dependable, grounded, emotionally strong leader that she wants to follow. And I'm going to show you why your marriage requires you to be a warrior. Stick around. Hello and welcome to the Warrior Kings Podcast. I'm your host, Michael Riggs, here to assist you on your journey to living a fully optimized, leveled up life as a man. So again, welcome and welcome back to the Warrior Kings podcast. And before we get started here, I just want to say that if you want to level up your marriage like never before, I'm starting a one week marriage challenge. It's a one on one coaching program that lasts just one week and that starts on Monday, November 10th. And what this challenge looks like is daily journal prompts, challenges and exercise as well as communication with me in email and chat. And we will wrap up the week and end the week with one powerful coaching call, one on one where I can connect with you on exactly what you need to do to fix your marriage and become the best husband that you can be. And I have just a handful of spots open for this, so definitely follow the link in the description of this podcast episode or this video and click on the one on one reforged Marriage coaching link and tell me that you are interested in this special challenge. And I'm not going to say it on here. I'll tell you an email if you're interested, but there's a special price for this challenge and spots for this are going to fill up quick. So definitely get on this. If you're listening to this, after Monday the 10th, I'm going to be resetting the challenge the following week. So still reach out to me. You're not too late because I'm going to be starting again the following Monday. And with all that being said, let's dive right into the topic of the day, which is why your marriage requires you to be a warrior. So here's the thing, man. Respect isn't demanded. It's earned through consistency. How are you showing up as her man? How are you showing up as her rock consistently? Not just sometimes, because the thing is, small actions compound over time. You can't just be a good husband sometimes, you have to be a good husband all the time. And just to repeat myself here, respect isn't demanded. It's earned through consistency. The more that you are consistent and showing up as her warrior, as her rock, as her safe space, as the man that she knows he's got this, the more her respect for you will build. So truly ask yourself and be honest with yourself. Are you being consistent in being the guy who is holding it all down? The guy that she can trust? The guy that she can respect? Are you only showing up sometimes? And here's the thing, man, she doesn't want you to be perfect. She just wants to know that you are the guy that she can depend on. And she knows that she can depend on you by your consistent action and those small actions compounding over time, she never has to question whether you have her back or not because that's just who you are in her eyes. And think for a minute about how does your wife perceive you? How does she see you? Does she see you as the guy that she can't trust and depend on because that's what you have displayed to her for so long? Or does she know that you've got her back and that she can depend on you and trust you? Are you consistently showing up as her strong man? One mistake that men make when their marriage starts having problems or their marriage is on the rocks or. Or things aren't going quite right, they think that they have to do these grand gestures, these big things in order to prove themselves. And what it really comes down to is that's absolutely not true. You don't need to do grand gestures. You don't have to put on a full display and be like, I'm going to change. Everything's going to get better. What you do need to do is start showing up consistently with those small actions that compound over Time to build her trust and her respect for you. And in a little while, I'm going to get into some daily practices, some daily rituals that you can begin implementing right away to build her trust and her respect for you. So definitely stick around for that. And the next thing that I want to talk about today is emotional leadership leading calmly through the chaos. Women want to feel safe, they want to feel protected, and they want to feel heard, seen and understood. But let's talk about her wanting to feel safe for a minute and wanting to feel protected. One of the ways that you can make her feel safe and seen and protected is by showing up as the still calm, grounded, masculine warrior. And one way that I could put this is, are you the calm in the storm or are you the lightning in the storm? Do you lead calmly through stress as the safe, still grounded, masculine, or are you just part of the chaos? When life gets stressful, when life circumstances get stressful, even when she is stressed out about something or upset about something, do you lead her calmly? One of the things that you need to do is get out of fix it mode and, and just listen, truly listen to your wife and lead through the storm calmly. You are the safe, still grounded, masculine. And like I said before, this is part of the concept of your marriage requires you to be a warrior. Are you the guy who faces the challenges and adversities in life and the complexities of how stressful and busy life can get as the guy that holds it all down, where she can trust that you're just going to fly off the rails and lose your mind? Or are you the asshole who just flies off the rails and loses your mind every time a bit of stress enters your home, your relationship, your life, or your situation? Because if you are the guy who isn't the emotional leader in your home, she is seeing you as weak. To put it plainly, to put it bluntly, she doesn't see you as a strong man. She sees you as a wimpy, whiny baby boy. And emotional leadership is leading calmly through the chaos. If we want to talk about being the leader of your home and leading your family to greatness, is a leader, the guy who can be thrown off course by anything life throws at him? No, the leader should be busy leading. When it comes to your wife respecting you and trusting you, it comes down to you being a strong man. In her eyes, in her perception, she knows that you've got this and you are holding it all down. And when it comes to women getting stressed out, getting emotional, you know, women are Chaotic. It's just kind of a part of their nature. It's a part of who they are. And you can actually learn to love that. Think of it as more silly than it is annoying or stressful, and respond like the grounded, safe, still warrior that she can depend on. And another thing that I wanted to talk about today really quick is that women will often test men to see if they can be thrown off course. And the key is to become aware of those tests. She wants to know that you are unmovable, that you are unshakable, that nothing can throw you off course. So she might poke at you sometimes. She might prod at you. She might throw tests your way to see if you can be thrown off course. And if you just fly off the rails like an asshole or you allow her to pull you off course to distract you, then you have failed the test, bro, and she does not see you as a strong man in her eyes. So let's say that you found this podcast or you found this episode because you're trying to fix or just better your marriage. You might be putting on display that you are making changes in your life. Well, when you do that, expect her to throw tests your way, to test that. If you say, everything's changing and I'm getting better, she's going to throw tests your way to see if that's true, to try to knock you off course, to try to throw you off of your purpose. And what you need to do when those tests come is continue to be the grounded, safe, still stoic, even trustable, dependable warrior, the strong man to her. That you are unmovable, that you are unshakable, that nothing can throw you off course. The next thing that I want to talk to you about today is polarity. And I'm not going to get too much into this one. I have an entire podcast episode specifically on polarity. If you want to dive deeper into this, into this subject, definitely check that episode out after this one. But a lot of times in marriages, when marriages start to fall apart or you start having marriage problems, what it really comes down to is that the polarity in the relationship has been thrown off. And it might have been thrown off for a while if you weren't aware of it. And what polarity is, is the balance between masculine and feminine energy. Have you been showing up as the masculine, the leader in your relationship, or have you been showing up more in the feminine? Men are naturally protectors and providers and leaders. And the reason that so many men have lost sight of that fact is because Life is totally different than it was hundreds, if not thousands of years ago, where the man's duty and responsibility was to be a protector and provider, order for him and his family to simply survive. Life these days is very comfortable, and we have the choice to either show up as a man or not show up as a man. And have you been showing up as a man in your relationship because those masculine traits still exist in us? Just because modern society became so comfortable and so convenient doesn't mean that we just magically became a new being. We are still men, and women are still women. So the question is, is the polarity in your marriage, in your relationship, thrown off? Has your wife had to step into the masculine to handle the business and the complex of life, to be able to manage life, to be able to survive? And how can you start showing up as the protector who makes her feel safe, as the provider and as the leader of your household and your home? And like I said at the beginning, small actions compound over time. The more consistently that you show up as the man, the more that she can trust, respect, and depend on you. So I highly suggest focusing on restoring the polarity in your marriage and allow your wife to relax into her feminine and feel safe and protected by you. And the next thing that I want to talk about today is empathy. And this comes up all the time with my marriage coaching clients. I guess empathy doesn't come naturally to a lot of men, especially in their home life, their marriage, their family, things like that. And what empathy is, is the ability to put yourself in another person's shoes, in another person's experience, whatever they're going through, even if you've never experienced that thing before, you can feel how they feel. You can empathize with them. And like I said before, women want to feel heard. They want to feel understood. And if you are not practicing empathy in your relationship, actually listening to her, actually taking into account how she feels, what she's going through, what her experience is, then she doesn't see you as a strong man in her eyes. And to a lot of you, that might sound backwards. You're like, so I have to be more understanding about her feelings, and somehow that's supposed to make her see me as strong? Absolutely. Truly listen to your wife, whatever she's talking about, no matter what it is, truly listen and understand that whatever she is talking about is important to her. Empathize with that. It doesn't matter if it's something that you think is completely ridiculous, like she's yapping about what Jessica is going to wear to the baby shower next weekend. And you're just. Your natural state is to just tune her out. No, actually tune in and listen. Put the phone down, turn the TV off. Even if you don't understand the thing that she's talking about, let her know that you care about what she's talking about. Allow her to feel seen, heard and understood. And that will build her trust and her respect for you as a man. Because she will say, wow, he truly listens to me. He actually cares about how I feel. He actually cares about what I'm going through, what I'm interested in. And that is practicing empathy. And the more you do this, the more empathetic you will get towards her. It's like a muscle. You have to work it. Especially if empathy doesn't come naturally to you. The next thing that I want to talk about today is the protector energy. Like I've said a bunch of times already, women want to feel safe, they want to feel protected. And if you aren't showing up with protector energy again, she doesn't see you as the strong man that she can trust and depend on. And let's go back to small actions compounding over time when your wife is out in the world. Like if she has to go somewhere, let's say she's on a girl day with the ladies, or she has to go shopping or she has to run errands or something and she's been gone for a little while, send her a sweet text asking her how it's going. Say, how's it going? Is everything okay? You know, check in on her. Small actions like that allow her to feel safe, that you want to make sure that she is safe, that she's well, that you've got her back. You understand what I'm saying? At night time, when you guys are wrapping up the evening and going to bed, make the rounds in the house. Make sure the doors are locked, the cameras are on, that the security system is set. Whatever kind of security system you have. This will display to her that you are the protector. Constantly and consistently make her feel safe, seen, heard and protected. Dude, once you have done that, you have cracked the code and everything will get better. Trust me, that is you showing up as the protector energy in your marriage. And I hope all of this is beginning to make sense. And you might be saying to yourself, holy, I have been doing things the wrong way for so long and perhaps she doesn't even see me as a man anymore. But guess what, dude, you know what's awesome about this? You can change that. You can begin showing up as the man. You can start showing up as the grounded, safe, still calm warrior that your marriage deserves, that your wife deserves. And now I want to get into those daily rituals that you can begin implementing right away to build your wife's trust and respect for you as the strong man and leader of your marriage. And the first one is compliment her regularly. You know, when life gets busy, when. When life gets chaotic and stressful, when you've been married for a while, it might slip your mind to do things like compliment your wife regardless, even flirt with her. And the thing is, women thrive on compliments and praise. That's why you see them complimenting each other so much. That's how women grow. Men grow by challenges and by overcoming adversity. Women grow through nurturements, compliments, and praise. So make a point to at least once a day or even multiple times a day, compliment your wife. Tell her she's a good mama, Tell her she's a good wife, Tell her she's beautiful, Tell her she's sexy even. Let me ask you, have you ever told your wife that she's beautiful? That's a huge one. Here's another big one that men often don't notice. But if you happen to notice, let's say she did something different with her hair today or she's wearing a new outfit. Compliment her on that. Because it's possible that she's even a little bit self conscious about that thing. She's not sure about it. Even if you think it looks completely ridiculous, bro, like, what the heck did she do to her hair today? Compliment her. Tell her that it looks beautiful. Say, did you do something different with your hair? You look beautiful today. Or what? Did you do different? And she says, I did my hair different. Say, oh my gosh, it looks so beautiful. That is a small action that will compound over time that lets her know that you love her and that she is secure and safe with you, that you think that she's amazing. The next daily ritual that you can begin implementing to better your marriage, One of those small actions that compounds over time is begin stepping in and taking action on small things. Like, let's say that the handle on one of the drawers in the kitchen is loose. Just take the five minutes and tighten it up really quick. Let's say that you notice that she's having trouble carrying something. Take it from her and carry it for her. Let's say she's carrying in some groceries. Make sure that you step out and help her carry things in it's the I got this mentality. Let that be a mantra to you. I got this. The more that you show up as the I got this mentality, the more that she can trust you. And that small action will compound over time. She knows deep down, even subconsciously, this guy has my back and he was willing to step in and help me with anything. He's willing to fix anything. That's a huge one, dude. If you can be the fix it guy for your wife, that has a huge impact on your marriage. Trust me. The third daily ritual is to make her laugh. I'm sure you remember that when you first got together with your wife, when you were first dating, when you first got together, you were kind of the funny guy, right? You flirted with her, you made her laugh, you made dumb jokes. Well, bring that back. When did you lose that? Make a point to make your wife laugh once per day. Be the goofy funny guy again. Trust me, this is going to have a huge effect. And the fourth daily ritual is to make her feel safe, seen and heard. Actually listen to your wife, whatever she's talking about, it doesn't matter if it makes sense to you or if you care about it or not. Let her feel that you care. Let her feel that she can open up to you and feel emotionally safe with you. Like I said, put the phone down, turn the TV off. Ask her how her day is going or how her day was. Apparently that's something that most married couples struggle with, is simply asking how their partner's day went. I find that to be totally crazy because that just comes naturally to me. But it's actually very common that couples have a difficult time simply asking how their partner's day was. That will open up conversation and then truly listen to her and allow her to feel safe, seen and heard. And the next thing that I want to talk about today is the hidden ways that husbands emasculate them themselves. And the first one is over expressing yourself. A lot of guys make the huge critical error of over expressing themselves emotionally and trying to get their wife to understand how they feel. And dude, it's not that she doesn't care about how you feel. It's that she doesn't want to have to care about how you feel. She wants you to be the strong warrior, the unmovable, unshakable warrior king, not the wimpy, whiny baby boy. You understand what I'm saying? So if you're regularly over expressing yourself, flying off the rails, being an. She doesn't see you as a strong man, and her perception of you. She sees you as a wimpy, whiny wuss. And that is one of the worst ways that you can throw off the polarity. As we talked about before in your marriage, is by not being the emotionally regulated, safe, still calm, grounded warrior. I mean, think about it. She wants you to be strong. Doesn't that make sense? Why would she not want you to be strong? Let that sink in and begin showing up as the man again and stop over expressing yourself. You know, in this modern time where they say you should be able to share your feelings and express your feelings. Well, dude, fine, if, if that's working for you, keep doing that. But trust me, it is having an adverse reverse effect in your marriage. Because your wife wants you to be a man. She doesn't want you to be emotionally out of control. Then she can't trust you or respect you and she can't feel safe with you. The second hidden way that husbands emasculate themselves is by letting their wife make all the decisions. Not letting her, but having her make all the decisions, even the small ones, like a really common one, is the debate, what do you want to eat for dinner? When she asks that question given answer, show up as the decision maker and especially show up when tough life decisions come up. And this doesn't mean that you don't take into account her perspective, her opinion, what she wants to happen. It just means that when it comes time to make the decision, you are the one who makes it. That is showing up as the man in your marriage. Having your wife handle all the complexities of the logistics of life and all the scheduling and all these things and all the decision making, that's her having to show up as her own man. And at that point, what need does she have for you? And that might be a hard truth, but it is the truth. And the third way that husbands unknowingly emasculate themselves is by not taking the lead, which is what I referred to before as the I got this mentality. Not stepping in, not leading, not taking care of the business and complexities of life, not leading through the storm as the safe, calm, still grounded masculine, but by just being part of the chaos and letting her handle everything. If your wife has had to take the lead as the masculine energy in your relationship, you have made a critical error and it is time to step up. Your marriage requires you to be a warrior and your mission as her husband is to be her peace and safety, not her project. So that's what I got for you. Guys, today, I hope that you got something out of this episode. I hope this inspired you in some way to correct your path, to correct who you are, who you are showing up consistently as in your marriage. Are you showing up as her man consistently to where she can feel safe with you, she can feel seen, she can feel heard, and she can can trust you, respect you and depend on you. She knows that you've got her back and that nothing can throw you off course. You are unmovable. You are unshakable. You are a warrior king. And like I said, man, hop on that one week challenge. We start Monday. I have a couple of spots left. Super stoked about it. It's going to be awesome. I want to connect with you guys one on one to tell you exactly what you need to do to fix your marriage. And you know, I could talk here all day long about strategies and ways and give you wisdom to better your marriage and all this stuff. Stuff does work, but it's very difficult to put a framework on an individual because everyone's situation is different. So this is a huge opportunity for me to look at your situation and tell you exactly what you need to do, the strategies that you need to implement to correct your path. The abro. Get out there, kill it. Level up every aspect of your life. A life of overflowing abundance awaits you. On the other side of you deciding to make the switch, make the change and level up, up every aspect of your life, a life of overflowing abundance awaits you. I love you, I'm proud of you. And you are going to do great things in this life. You listening to this right now? A life of overflowing abundance awaits you. Get out there, crush it this week and I'll catch you on the next one. Thanks, guys. Bye.
