Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Today we're talking about how to reignite the spark in your marriage and how to turn it into a thriving, roaring fire. Stick around. Hello and welcome to the Warrior Kings Podcast. I'm your host, Michael Riggs, here to assist you on your journey to living a fully optimized, leveled up life as a man. So again, welcome, welcome to the Warrior Kings podcast. If it's your first time here. My name is Michael Riggs. I'm a full time author, artist and entrepreneur, husband and father of five. And I say all of the things that most men don't want to hear when it comes to living a fully optimized life. What it means to be a good, honorable man. We talk about it all every week right here. So if that's something that you are into, definitely subscribe to this podcast, subscribe to this channel, stick around. Because we are a community of men all over the world seeking fully optimized, leveled up lives. So what have I been up to? What's new? We're about one month away from the launch of Warrior Husband, my brand new book that's titled Warrior Husband how to be a better husband and save your marriage. But it's not just about saving your marriage, it's about overall being a good husband. And I'm really excited to get this book out into the world because it's something, something that I'm very passionate about. You know, most of us as men aren't taught how to be husbands or what marriage even means and we find ourselves kind of confused when we get there and end up messing everything up. So that book contains everything that I know about relationships, intimacy, communication with women. And like I said, that comes out January 1st. I'm a little nervous about it, to be honest with you, because it's coming up pretty fast. But it's gonna be super awesome. And I'm challenging my listeners, I'm challenging everybody who follows me to get that book and level up your marriage or your relationship. In the New Year start January 1st, we're going to kick it off. So if that's something you're into. The ebook is available for pre order right now on Amazon and the physical copy will be available to order on the day of the release. In other news, there's a couple of spots left on my custom podcast episode coaching program if you missed me talking about that last week, I put an offer out that I will answer five specific questions and a custom podcast episode that's just for you, as well as 30 journal prompts to go along with it and a transcript of the episode for reading because there's a lot of guys out there who message me and they have really serious questions and it takes a lot to answer those questions and it's hard to get to them. Also, I just put this offer out there where if you like the format of these podcast episodes, you can have your five questions answered in this format as well as connecting with me in email and stuff like that. So it's kind of like a coaching package, but one of my own designs. So if you have five critical questions that you want answered, definitely reach out to me@mrigscontact gmail.com that's M R I G S contact all one word gmail.com and right now that package is only $500, so it's about $100 plus extras. But understand that that's going to take an entire day of my life because I have to write the episode, shoot the episode, edit the episode, make those journal prompts for you, transcribe the episode, and then get it into your hands. So a lot goes into that package. Another exciting announcement that I have is that you're going to see more episodes of the Warrior Kings podcast. I have a brand new schedule that allows me to do two to three episodes per week now, so I hope you're looking forward to that because we're going to be able to cover way more ground with this new schedule. But yeah, I'm keeping bus. So definitely look forward to more episodes of this podcast coming your way. And with that being said, let's dive right into the topic of the day. Many men are entirely unaware that the spark and excitement of their marriage and their relationship has faded away. And most men don't even care if you found this episode because you're seeking how to reignite the flame, as they say, and forging your path towards a happy, thriving marriage. I commend you there is great honor in seeking how to become a better husband. And you're not alone either. My podcast episodes on how to be a better husband have more plays than any any episode that I've ever put out there. And most men who buy my book Warrior King and message me afterwards bought it because they were seeking being better fathers and husbands and what it means to be a man. And when it comes to repairing a marriage or finding that spark and that excitement again, I'm going to give you my ten step system. And remember, the results are up to you. You're the one that has to put in the work. And the first of the 10 things is prioritizing quality time together. Listen, man, I know you're busy. We all are these days. But you must carve out time to spend with your wife. In order to have a happy, thriving marriage, your wife have to be best friends. One of the reasons that I think my marriage is so happy is because me and my wife still hang out together all the time. It's much less these days between my work and the three crazy boys that we have. But we still hang out as much as we possibly can. Just last night, for example, we watched Christmas vacation and drank hot chocolate and cut paper snowflakes. And that might sound childish, but that's because that's exactly what it is. It's fun. And dude, you have to start having fun again. And if you're at that point where that just seems impossible because you're so detached from each other, just shift your mindset. Hang out like your friends. Laugh and joke and play. Have a damn conversation. So many married couples, dude, have completely stopped talking to each other. They barely even know how each other's day went. And it doesn't have to be this big grand night. It could be just hanging out in the evening, talking at home, you know, before bed, or watching a movie with a fun snack. Think of things that are outside of the box and random and fun and spontaneous. Women love that. Sometimes me and my wife pull a mattress into the living room and lay on it and watch a movie. Like a living room. Camp out. We do other things there too. You know what I'm saying? Trust me, bro, you need to start hanging out together again. The recommended time that married couples should spend together is about two hours a week. And that's crazy. That means that people are having to force spending just that much time together. Make more time than that. And the second thing on this list is expressing appreciation and gratitude. When life becomes so routine, it's a natural reaction to stop showing appreciation and gratitude, you know, for those things that have just become the norm. Saying thank you seems like a really small thing, but it compounds over time. Complex. Complimenting your wife, reminding her how awesome she is, telling her she's beautiful. These things compound and they go a long way. Periodically say things to her like, you're such a good wife and mama, I don't know how you do it all. Let's say in your house, she's the one who does the laundry every week and folds your clothes and puts them away. Make a point to thank her for that. Like I said, these things become routine and they're the norm. So we often don't recognize them and show appreciation for them. And you know what happens when you start showing appreciation and gratitude towards your wife? It compounds within you as well. You become more aware of the things that she does for you, and you become more aware of how grateful you are that she does these things. You become more aware of how awesome and beautiful she is, and your love grows inside you for her. Every evening after dinner, I thank my wife for dinner and I kiss her on the cheek. And my sons started mimicking this behavior as well. And it's the cutest damn thing in the world. And one thing that I do, like, if I'm the one who made the dinner, I still do the same thing. And I thank her for dinner and she says, I didn't do anything. And I say, you were the muse. You were my inspiration. You know, I'm always still flirting with her and saying kind things to her. You know, I flirt with her and hit on her all the time. I tell her she's beautiful. I tell her she's sexy. Make showing appreciation and gratitude for your wife a daily practice. And the third thing on this list is communicating openly and honestly. I'm always surprised when men tell me how little they actually share with their wives. I'm always shocked when I hear how much married couples don't speak to each other at all. You should share your thoughts, feelings, and desires with your wife. She should be your best friend, the only one that you can truly talk to. And this isn't to say that she should be your thoughts therapist by any means, but she should be the one that you can be totally you and totally honest with. And this also plays into hanging out again. Many people don't ever share their true selves, even with their spouses. They're still putting on a bit of the false self. But trust me, to have a strong bond, to have a happy, thriving marriage, you need to communicate openly and honestly because you have to truly know each other. You know what I'm saying? Share your thoughts and ambitions and dreams and vision for the future. Share everything. I mean, don't share your feelings in a way that would lead her to believe that you're a wuss. I mean, she. She wants you to be strong and unshakable. But one of the main ingredients of reigniting the flame is the reminder that you and your wife are actually people reminding each other of that. And this is the time to really make that happen. Really get to know each other and really become best friends. Number four is surprising her with thoughtful gestures. And this one is pretty simple. But most men don't even know how to do it or honestly don't even consider it. And what this really comes down to is just being thoughtful. When you run up to the store, bring back her favorite snack or drink. When you're on your way to the kitchen, ask her if she needs or wants any anything. On your way, send her random text messages throughout the day telling her that she's beautiful and you can't wait to see her again. Buy her little gifts on days that aren't even holidays. Most men forget to get their wife things on those holidays and they have to go and run and get something last minute. Be better than that. One thing that I teach all the time is to keep a running note in your phone. Of all the things that she mentions that she would like to have and those things that she wouldn't spend the money on herself. I know my wife mentions things all the time. She's like, look how cool this is. Oh, I would love to have that. Or I wish I had this thing. And I compile that list in my phone of those things that she would like to have. And when it comes time to buy a gift, I know exactly what she wants. And it could be weeks or months down the line that when you actually get her this gift, she'll say, wow, he really listens to me. How did he remember that I wanted that thing? Right? Like one time I bought my wife a curling iron for her birthday and I don't know nothing about curling irons, dude, But I remembered that she said that she wanted one because I put it in that note in my phone and I consulted my sister, who's a businesswoman, she owns salons and I asked her what's the best curling iron? She told me, and boom, curling iron. My wife said, wow, he really listens to me. How did he know that I wanted that? Because I made a point to remember. Even if it was a note in my phone, I made a point to say, this is important to her. She would like to have this thing. Awesome gift. When was the last time you wrote your wife a letter? Have you ever even done that? Love notes aren't stupid. Remember? Bring that childish spark into your marriage. It really, really elevates the connection. Trust me, because you will feel like you can be your authentic selves with each other. Number five on this list is to revisit the things that you used to enjoy together. What are some things that brought you two together in the beginning of your relations relationship or in what some people call the honeymoon phase. Remember, we're trying to honeymoon phase forever. And this also goes back to hanging out again. Revisit some of those things that you used to enjoy doing together in the beginning of your relationship and this will be a good reminder for the both of you why you fell in love. There is great power in nostalgia. Listen to the music that brought you together. Play the games that you used to enjoy together. Watch a movie that you bonded about years ago that you have inside jokes about. Let's say, for example, fitness brought you together. You met at a gym or you met through gym friends and that's the thing that you connected with, right? Work out together again. Make it a part of your life again. Whatever those things are that brought the two of you together, start doing those things again. Moving on to number six, here is Focus on physical intimacy. I cannot stress enough the importance of physical intimacy in marriage, and I'm going to get more in detail about this in the book Warrior Husband that comes out January 1st. But you and your wife absolutely need physical touch. You need to hold your wife and really feel her, and she needs to feel you. You need to start kissing again. You need to lay on the couch and cuddle and make out sometimes. And you absolutely need to have sex with each other. There's no sugarcoating it, bro. And if anything is hindering this and holding you back or numbing you to your attraction to your wife, you need to rid it from your life. No pornography. No scrolling on dancing girls on social media. I'm a guy too. That's why I know, okay, looking at pretty ladies is easy and more accessible than ever before in history. And you need to stop yourself from doing that. If you want to have a happy, thriving marriage with intimacy. You need to start checking your wife out again. One of my favorite excuses from guys I talk to is we just don't have time. Life's too busy. We don't have time anymore. Well, remember when you first started dating, you would have made time for that no matter what it meant. You know what I'm saying? You would have sprinted all the way across town for that. And guess what? She's still that lady. And for some of you, you might feel like your wife just doesn't have any interest in that anymore. And I get that, man. I really do. That does happen. But trust me, with all of these changes that you are going to make, along with leveling up every aspect of your life, she's eventually going to want to do it again and ease into it. On those nights that you're hanging out again, for example, and there's a funny moment and you feel like you're really connecting. Just go in for a passionate kiss and tell her she's beautiful and then let it go from there. Number seven on this list is keeping romance alive. If a question that you have is do women like romance? I don't know what to do for you, son. Hallmark movies and romance novels are booming industries for a reason. A lot of the romance stuff might seem cheesy or cringy. She might even say she doesn't like things like that. I've dated a few ladies in the past who said that they hated flowers and they thought they were lame or whatever, but guess what happened Every time I bought them flowers anyways, they lit up. It can't be denied, things like candlelit dinners and flowers and love notes have their time in their place and they should absolutely be a part of your marriage. And if you've got some extra money to play with, plan a trip somewhere beautiful and do all of the things while you get to know each other there. Explore romance. Romance is masculine. You just think it's not. Number eight on this list is show empathy and support. One of the main issues that women have when they feel like they're married marriage is failing or falling apart is that they feel like their husband doesn't care about how they feel. Women feel things, man, and they feel things deeply. It's just how it is. I make the mistake sometimes too, of being like, hey, could you just not feel like that? And then everything will be great, like, why don't we just not? And I have to remind myself that she really is feeling something and that I should consider that and care about that. And in conflicts, it's not always about being right either. Just listen and listen intently to what she has to say. Even if you don't understand it at all or understand where she's coming from, you can understand, understand that she actually is feeling something and to her it really matters. And have care for that, nurture that. Be her partner in life's challenges, actively listen to her when she's stressed, support her goals and be her rock in tough times. It's your duty as her husband. Number nine, Work on self improvement. Improving yourself physically, emotionally and spiritually can inspire her and show her that you are committed to being the best version of yourself for her. If you've been here for a while, you know that my number one tip for having a happy, thriving marriage is to level up your damn self and to level up every aspect of your own life. Optimizing your mind, body and spirit will reignite your wife's attraction to you. And that's just one of the benefits to this. The benefits to improving every aspect of your life are limitless. Like we talked about last week, many men get way too comfortable, way too comfortable in routine, and they lose sight of the vision and the mission. And a lot of times, this is why a woman detaches from a relationship and detaches from intimacy. And if you missed that episode, I encourage you to go back and listen to it. It's titled this is why she seems so Distant. But if you have become a dead end, and if your wife sees you as a dead end, she will long for a day where she isn't headed there with you. Have some drive, have some ambition, and level up every aspect of your life and watch your marriage level up like you didn't even know was possible. And it's the most important step in this process. And the final thing on my ten step list here is seek new adventures together. Try something new, like taking a class, exploring a new hobby, or traveling to a place that neither one of you has been to before. Experiences create excitement and shared memories together. Married couples need to have shared goals and dreams and ambitions and visions for the future. And women crave a life of adventure and abundance. It is critically important that the two of you step outside of the routines of life and do something interesting. And do this as much as you possibly can. Even on regular days like a day off or a weekend, look up beautiful places nearby to walk and talk together. Or go to that hipster food truck you always, always pass downtown and get some mediocre food that everybody in town is obsessed with for some reason. Do something interesting. Do something outside of the norm. Step outside of your comfort zone together. Travel to a country that you've never been to before and blow some of your savings. Man, I don't know. But like I said before, you have to start having fun again. You need to be best friends and you need adventure together. So that's my 10 step system on how to reignite the flame in your relationship or in your marriage. I really, really hope that you got something out of this episode today, man. Hope that it inspired you to level up your marriage, level up your connection with your wife, to be your true authentic self with her, and really get to know each other. Because most of the time that's what's lacking. Just really getting to know each other, becoming best friends, talking for hours, doing interesting things together, having sex again you know, like, in retrospect, it's so simple, it's stupid. Like, once you get there, you're going to be like, why didn't we just live like this to begin with? Right? And I really hope that you take my advice to heart because it is my mission to help as many men all over the world level up their marriages and live fully off, optimize lives. And I've put hours upon hours of study into these topics and I'm not leading you astray, bro. But like I said, it is up to you. The results are up to you. You have to put in the work and you have to do the right things to get there. Get better and better every single day. Don't get discouraged if these things don't work at first. Give it some time, you know, don't give up. Especially if it's gotten really bad and you and your wife are really detached. It's going to take some time maybe to get close again, right? And she might wonder, like, why are you being like this? Why are you trying to talk to me, hang out with me, all this stuff and just remind her you're beautiful and I want to spend time with you. Continue to remind her of that. And like I said, level up every aspect of your life. And in the end, all that matters is that you are 100% right no matter what happens after that. And I love you, I'm proud of you. And there are great things in store for you in this life. A life of overflowing abundance awaits you as soon as you cross that line. As soon as you make the decision to level up every aspect of your life, a life of overflowing abundance awaits you. There's a great calling, purpose and destiny for your life. You listening to this right now? I truly believe that you are going to do great things in this life. You are a warrior king. And I'll catch up with you guys really soon. Thanks, guys. Bye.
